I WISH I WAS BESIDE YOU

STABILITY AND COMING HOME

CALUMS POV
I'm pretty fucked up I have been since the day she left me I haven't been myself I feel so lousy hopeless and just like shit. I feel horrible like the worst for lashing out on Michael when he was just worried and trying to help me. If I can just see her feel her hair touch her skin hear her laugh watch her smile I'll be okay shell make me better. It doesn't help that the other lads have these uber mega stable relationships mines all fucked up. It sucks i look over at luke and cates there all over each other luc an ash laughing and whispering angel an mike always playing games.

And then there's me lonely calum lonely broken hearted calum. Its just me and my jet black heart with this hurricane of feelings keeping me and Sadie apart I don't wanna feel this way but I can't move on not til I see her. I'd called Sadie said that I was flying out to see her she protested but then agreed said we needed to talk there's still chemicals moving between us and eventually we will start again. She met me at the airport"hey how are you" I asked friendly but she just hugged me tightly I was shocked.

I hugged her back and damn did it feel good to have her in my arms"I've been good schools going well the internship is stressful but I love it and its worth it. The better question is how are you and be honest" she gives me a look. We go to her car"honestly I've felt like shit since the day you left I need you I can't get you out of my mind I've tried to forget to move on but I can't. I've been so depressed only keeping up appearances for fans I need you I can't function without sadie. Without you I feel worthless like I'm nothing i cry all the time in my room about you about us mostly cause its my fault. I got so depressed that last week I self harmed Michael found me tried to help was worried but instead I shouted at him. Shoved him away wouldn't let him in got mad and shoved all my toiletries off the sink feeling your touch seeing your face watching you smile. It all makes me feel alive and human again I'm in the process of writing a song about how I'm feeling called jet black heart. I know that there's still sparks with us I love you so much and the answer is yes Sades I could marry you right now if that's what you want I love you that damn much." I said breaking down into tears yet again.

"Calum" she soothes I felt some of her tears"I can't believe you'd feel all this and go through all this pain and suffering because your not with me. I'm just a girl calum there's plenty" Sadie told me rubbing my back"but there's only one you and that's who I want" I said cracking a small smile I looked up at her. "Not a day has gone buy that I haven't thought of you. Your also always on my mind I mean although you were a giant asshole I've thought many times maybe i was too harsh I did just break your heart. And you didn't want me to go because you didn't wanna loose me which is so sweet also to be honest I'm running into the same delimia I love new York but I love you so much" and Sadie loses it.

"Hey hey now stop with that you were not too harsh with me its okay your alright Sadie. Don't be upset baby girl" I comforted hugging her then it his me she said at the end of that speech that she loves me for the first time in a month I genuinely smiled. "You have to ask yourself look deep in your heart what do you need more. Love or a internship at a company that might not even hire you. Cause this jet black heart no longer was one when he lost his world." I said see that's something the old me would have said I'm already getting back to me with her being here"that's perfect advice thanks calpal" i wipe her tears and hand her a tissue.

Now I wait for her to do this soul searching we drive to hers get Starbucks I order takeout. I put on a walk to remember knowing its her favorite and she cuddles into me. Its almost as if the past month all the heart break all the tears and sadness never happened"I will always love you sadie even if you choose your career" I whisper. "I know and I'll always love you" she tells me and sits up okay after almost three house I've made up my mind" sadie told me. I turn to her"calum I'm going to go back on tour with you" she says happy"fuck I knew it its always the career never the boy." I say defeated"calum you idiot I choose you and the tour and the sweaty tour bus with the dingy hotel rooms and the fans. I need love there will always be internships but like you said there's only one you." She says grabbing my face my eyes light up"are sure oh my god I love you so much Sadie" I said.

I squeezed her and kissed her for a long time"I have missed your kiss more than you'll ever no" I say kissing her again. We pack and are on the first flight to Dublin I called the gang said I had a surprise they met us at the airport. All the girls ran to hug Sadie I went right up to mikey"I'm so sorry man you were just worried and trying to help. I love you mate" I told him he laughs and says"come here you dooshe" hugging me tightly"your got her back how" he wonders. "With everything I yelled at you and some more" I winked and laughed it was a good day and now we've got day two at Dublin.