Lifeless [ #wattys2016]

New beginnings

He took me  over to his study and let's just say I was not expecting to see , stacks of paper piled together with various findings of each day recorded. Photos of what he saw were on the wall , annotations next to it. I felt like I was in a museum than a study. And standing next to me was a grinning Aiden. He looked like a two year old a very cute two year old .

Don't catch feelings now Tara you don't do relationships nor emotions, keep it together! I remind myself .

I step away from him the closeness becoming too suffocating. I went over to his desk and roamed over what he's collected. My journal looked pathetic compared to this. Jealousy soon snaked it's way into me, I started to feel useless because I  only had  one journal with my scribbles , documenting  what I had seen. And here I am standing in what could be classed as a museum. My mood changed drastically .

I noticed the change in atmpshere and it has something  to do with Tara. She seemed more  stiff , pondering over something. Gone was her face with the look of shock and glee and replaced with a cold , emotionless face. She thinks I cannot pick up on  her feelings. That she can keep it locked away. But the saying actions speak louder is true and her actions are a very clear indication into what she feels. I know she's trying to put a barrier between us. I can tell; if I come close she steps away. She can't look me in the face therefore I can't stare into her hazel brown eyes that take me back into my child hood. I need her to trust me and maybe we can become friends.

"Tara... you okay?" I say quietly

She looks up conflicting emotions running across her face till she settles for a small smile.

"Yeah I'm okay, just stunned at how much work you have done.. you know." She answer back

She's lying.

"Well yeah I have become quite obsessed with the need to know what happened to this place and any clue  I find will bring me closer." I say excitedly

"You don't mind if we go back to mine , it's just I left something there and since I'll be living with you I need it here and also I'll need my clothes." She says

"Yeah it's okay" I say

With that she leaves the room.

The car ride there was silent. I usually like the silence but right now noise would have been perfect. Too many things are going in my head right now. The most prominent one is leaving my house. The house I lived in with my parents , and year by year it is  slowly crumbling just like me. And now I have to leave it to crumble all alone. The next thought is Aiden coming to my sanctuary and seeing my living conditions. I don't want to be judged but that is inevitable.

I clutch my flower tightly in my hand. It's the only thing I have that means so much to me that being apart from it makes me panic. Some people have teddy bears, blankets or a favorite toy but to me my flower is like that all combined. It may not be as vibrant in color but if you look close enough you will find the good in it. I guess it reminds me of myself and if I let it go then I'm letting myself go.

We are near her house now, I look over and she is so lost in thought that she doesn't realize. I see her hand tightly gripping her flower. What is it with this flower anyway. I guess she will tell me in due time.We step out and walk into the house; I suck in my breath at the sight. The walls are moldy; a mouse scampers across the floor, the smell is so pungent my eyes water. But looking at Tara she looks like she's in her element as she glides across the living room to her bedroom barely making a sound. I stand and wait for her she needs her time.

I notice Aiden hasn't followed me as I make my way to my room and I'm very grateful. As I go in my eyes immediately water, this room my safe haven for me will all be forgotten. I make my way around the room just touching everything, smelling the air savoring it in a little part of my brain shut tight with a key. I stop at my journal still in the same way I left it. Then I look up at the picture I have of my parents smiling and I choke on a sob. I take all the pictures with my parents in them and my journal .I think my parents would be so proud that I survived, that I didn't give up because that was not the little girl they raised. I won't grieve not at this very moment , so instead I stand in the middle of my room and just take it all in. With my little suit case of clothes , journal , flower and pictures in hand I leave the room with my head held high and a smile that doesn't quite reach my heart.

We leave. Tara hasn't said a word to me after she left that room and I guess she just needs the time alone  to recollect her thoughts. So maybe telling her that we are going out to a nearby city isn't the best idea. We make it home and as soon as we step in she goes to her room and shuts the world out. I'll guess I'll put dinner on. After 30 minutes I call Tara to tell her that dinner is ready and I see she's changed into pajamas which consist of shorts and a top. ( she's got beautiful legs.. wait what?! Come on Aiden were not even friends yet)

The only noise in the room is the sound of me eating and Tara staring at her plate and not actually eating the contents on her plate,  she isn't really here she is  far away just like her thoughts. Her flower is close. She never leaves without it; and that's when I have the urge to ask her so many questions. Like who is she really? Why is she just okay? Never happy or sad?

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Authors note

so they are living together now ooooh tension is sure to rise .

what do you think they will find in the city or who ? please leave a comment indictaing your thoughts

if you are reading this book at least make yourself known.

like,vote,comment you know the usual .

signed precious