Anne-Maria (Completed)

Where Have I Gone?

I sat on my bed, staring at the clock on my wall in complete silence. No one was around me, no one was comforting me. Kevin probably thinks I've gone crazy, my parents have no idea what is going on, and worst of all, I can't tell anyone. I was thinking about how miserable and depressing my future would be. I sighed loudly and signaled Kevin to go home. He got up quickly, waved goodbye, and left quickly. 

I lay on my bed thinking of Kan, and how he had thanked me with a hug. What did I ever do to him? All I could remember was me yelling at him, constantly, whenever he was around. I hadn't known him for long either, I've only met him once or twice, but I felt like I needed him. He was the only one who understood what was happening to me. Now he is dead. 

I felt myself slipping away, falling into a deep sleep. I pinched myself to stay awake, but it was no use. I woke up next to myself, and I slowly sat up and got off of my bed. I didn't know what I was doing, but I just walked. I walked outside, and walked along the sidewalk. I wasn't heading for a specific place, just walking. I got chills and shivered as it got colder. I looked up into the sky as my short hair was flying in my face. Dark, fluffy clouds were moving over the sun, blocking it. I reached out towards the sun, wishing it could stay just a little longer. The clouds didn't agree with me and covered the bright sun. It got colder, but I still walked. 

I walked past a full house. A mother was yelling at her children to come inside before they get sick. Beside that house someone just started to mow their lawn. I continued on, passing by more happy children playing out in the cold. I felt so trapped, I wasn't free. I could do nothing, nothing at all. Kan was gone, Kevin thinks I'm crazy, Jessie probably hates me, and Connor is probably worried sick about me. 

I looked towards a car that was driving in the direction of my house. My mom sat in the passenger seat, fixing her makeup that the sweat falling from her forehead had messed up. My father was driving, smiling and talking to my mother, who didn't seem to care that much. I continued to walk in my direction. 

What am I doing?  I had almost no control of my mind, except my thoughts. I still walked on, staring at innocent happy people. A couple stood ahead of me, staying in one place. They were holding hands, looking in each others eyes. They kissed as it started to rain. I walked straight through them, letting the rain hit my face. I stopped and cupped my hands, catching falling drops of rain. I separated my hands and watched the small puddle hit the floor. Tears were streaming down my face now, it hurt, everywhere, it hurt. I placed my hand on my chest and my heart was beating fast. 

I fell to the floor and laid there as the rain poured down on me, the rain began to pour harder and harder with every breath I took. I calmed myself down and rolled onto my back. I closed my eyes and let the sky cry. I was crying with it, still holding my hand on my chest. Where have I gone? I asked myself. 

Can I come back to this world as Anne-Maria? Will this ever end? Will I have to let go of everything I love in order for me to be happy?  

I decided that I was sick of this, sick of not being able to have a decent rest, sick of everything. Disgusted with myself, I made a decision on something that no one should have to come across. It was time for me to go too, to reunite with Kan. It was time for me to escape this world. I knew what my future would end up like if I didn't take action now, my future would just be miserable, and full of burdens that I will never be able to escape.