KATYS POV
Today, was honestly one of the best days I've had in a while. John took me all around town, and to of course his favorite places, so we spent all day together. It's so peaceful and quiet here and I admit it's growing on me more and more each day. Of course there's still select number of people who stop and ask for pictures and such, but for the most part people just let us go our own way without bothering to interrupt us; which is calming for once.
I debated on telling John the news all day. I had kept it from him for about 4 days now and I knew I needed to tell him soon. But each time I got ready to tell him I would get scared and back down. This guilt of hiding this from him is tearing me up inside but then again I feel like he's happier not knowing. He apologized once again today, in case he upset me the other night but then he went into how he just wasn't ready.. making me doubt this even more.
I should be overjoyed to tell him. This should be ecstatic news for the both of us! But instead I'm just feeling less and less sure about this each passing second. I just want him to be happy.. I don't want to ruin that. Plus the thought of how he reacted last time scares me even more.
We had just got home and it was now around 9pm and John was in the bathroom taking a shower. I had just changed into a tank top and shorts, as I usually did for bed and waited for him to finish. He had turned the water off minutes ago and it was taking him quite a long time to finish up, which is odd. I patiently waited for him, scrolling through his Instagram comments to see who in fact was cuter; me or moose, when the door opened and there stood John, leaning against the door frame.
"Are you coming?" I giggled sitting on top of the bed as I waited for him.. but he didn't respond. He just stared at the wall behind me, clenching his jaw ever so slightly. I began to worry, and think of what I possible could have done.. but he was fine when he left me to go shower.
"Baby, what is it-" I asked approaching him but he moved away from me before I could touch him. I just stared at him.. hurt. Why was he acting like this towards me? I didn't like it, it was scaring me.
"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant." He asked, his eyes staring into mine waiting for an answer. He was mad.. this is what I was afraid of..
"What are you talking abou-"
"I saw the test in the trash can katy don't fucking lie to me!" He yelled making me flinch. He never yelled at me like this.. ever. I wrapped my arms around my body taking a few shaky breathes once I knew my secret was out in the open. Tears sprung to my eyes, when I heard him yell at me like that.. he was supposed to always comfort me and make me feel safe not make me uncomfortable and scared.
"ok... I'm pregnant John I'm sorry.." I stuttered pleading with my eyes for him to be happy but he looked upset.. almost broken.
"How long have you known?" He asked crossing his arms. That's when I dropped my head ashamed for not telling him sooner.
"About a week..." I whimpered feeling completely vulnerable right now. I waited for his reaction, nervousness filling my whole body.
"why.. why didn't you tell me sooner, Katy? Did you not trust me? Were you actually scared to tell me?" He asked utterly heartbroken that I would have these thoughts towards him.
"I just.. you kept going on and on about how you didn't want a baby and I was afraid you wouldn't want anything to do with it... with me." I admitted letting a few tears slide down my cheeks. I watched as he placed his hands on his head, biting his lip, letting me know he was devastated.
"No matter how much I try I can never prove to you how much I love you can I??" He screamed kicking the nearest object next to him which so happened to be the dresser, knocking things into the floor. "You actually thought.. you actually thought I would leave you?" He laughed, pacing back and forth around the room while I stood there, like a child being yelled at by their parents.. feeling so small and fragile.
