JOHNS POV
"Are you going to leave?" Katy asked while I still held her against my chest. We were both still sitting in the floor, guilt eating me alive knowing she had heard everything that went on. Doesn't my mother ever know when enough is enough? I guess I'm still at fault here also though.
"No baby, I'm not." I whispered against her ear, placing a kiss on her temple. I hated seeing her like this. All I want is to make her happy again. I want her to know that this isn't some game I'm playing.. I want this.
"I know... I know that I'm a piece of shit. I know that's it's hard to love me, I know that I'm not the most beautiful, I know all of these things but please don't leave me." She cried, and I could start to feel my shirt getting wet but that didn't matter to me. What mattered to me was that she actually thought this way about herself? I was mad.. I was furious that she saw herself that way when it was in no way true.
"I don't ever, ever want to hear you talk about yourself like that ever again, Katy." I said sternly. "You're so much more than that. You have the biggest heart, and the most adorable personality and it's so easy to love you. How else would I have fallen so fucking hard for you in such a small period of time, huh? and you're beautiful. You know the first thing I thought when I saw you for the first time in that hospital? The first thought that entered my mind was how absolute stunning you were, and it confused me because I knew there was no way in hell I had been able to get someone like you to love someone like me. You're not perfect katy, but you're pretty fucking close." I said, finishing my speech noticing that she had stopped sobbing. I held her tighter, praying to God that she had listened to me.
"I don't get it though.. everyone I've been with treats me like shit." She whispered getting out of my grip and leaning back against the wall where I found her earlier. "Russell, Michael-"
"Who?" I interrupted, clearly not remembering any of these people that were associated with her life. She sighed, wiping a single tear away before continuing. Though Michael had a strange ring to it but I couldn't quite place it.
"My ex husband, and ex boyfriend.. please don't make me get into it." She begged, and I nodded my head yes. I wouldn't push her into talking about anything she didn't want to. "Everything is just such a mess lately.. and if you ever left-"
"But I won't!" I quickly interrupted, trying to get it through her thick skull that I wouldn't, but she just couldn't accept it.
"I said if!" She yelled back, the both of us becoming more agitated. "If you ever left me there's no way I could raise this child on my own.. every time I looked at them I would think of you.." I looked down, I couldn't bare to look at the heartbroken expression on her face. She was already picturing it and it hadn't even happened. She was in a way preparing herself for the worst.
"Just tell me one thing... Did last night even mean anything to you? Do you actually love me because I'm getting mixed signs." She asked picking at her fingernails. Of course it meant something to me? It meant a hell of a lot to me. Being with her last night, and letting my true emotions show was exactly what I needed and wanted. I've been craving her for so long and just didn't know it.
"Baby, of course it did. It meant everything.. you mean everything." I said in a rush, scooting back over towards her. I kissed her lips quickly, not knowing whether she was in the mood or not, but I couldn't resist myself.
"I'm just.. I'm going to go to bed." She said tiredly, standing up slowly as she approached the stairs. I stayed put watching her, not moving a muscle, guilt and sadness eating me alive knowing I was causing her so much pain.
"I love you.." I said as she began climbing the stairs. She stopped and looked over the railing down at me with a little smile spread across her face.
