KATYS POV
It was now around 4 in the morning as I sat at the table in the living area impatiently tapping my manicured nails on the hard surface. I was sitting in the light of a single lap and my lyric book was placed out in front of me, along with wadded up pieces of paper that didn't seem to make the cut. I just couldn't finish this damn song. No matter how hard I tried the words just couldn't come to me.
When I had first started writing it the words seemed to flow out of me. It was beautifully worded, with so much emotion. I was actually most proud of this song.. but now it's like I'll never be able to finish it.
Everyone else was asleep but I couldn't keep my eyes shut for longer than 2 minutes so I came out here. Memories of today kept flooding back to me, keeping me from my slumber. It was so special, so... familiar. It was almost like when we were together and we didn't have a worry in the world. Did it mean something to him?
"Ugh" I groaned throwing my pen onto the table and leaning forward to place my head in my hands. "I give up." I mumbled to myself getting ready to rip the pages out of the book when I heard footsteps approaching.
"Katy? Why are you up its super late.. or super early which ever you wanna call it." He chuckled rubbing his tired eyes. He made his way over to me, pulling a chair up in the process and sitting next to me.
"um.. I just, I wrote this song, you know, I mentioned it earlier, but I can't seem to finish it." I shrugged, feeling useless at this point.
He motioned for me to hand him the book. "Let me see what you've got." He said, scanning over the words I had written.
I watched him like a hawk, examining his facial expressions as he read each word. I was nervous he would think its no good. He was such an amazing songwriter, a genius if you ask me, and here he was reading my own work. I bit my lip and picked at my fingernails impatiently awaiting his criticism.
"Katy, this is beautiful." He chuckled, but in a way that let me know he was completely impressed. A smile found its way onto my face as he gloated over my writing.
"Really? Because you can tell me the truth you know-"
"Katy, I'm serious. This is really beautiful." He said sincerely laying the book back down. I immediately shut up and gave him a small smile.
"Thank you, john that means a lot.. I'm thinking about naming it unconditionally." I said in a soft voice still picking at my nails. For some reason this conversation was making me nervous, and I think he's going to begin to understand why.
"I think it's perfect." He smiled. "When did you start writing it?"
"About a year and a half ago." I confessed. There it was.. all out in the open. His mouth slightly dropped open as he pondered what to say to me next.
"Wow, um.. why did you never show me then?" He questioned me. Obviously we had been together then and we always asked for advice from each other when we were writing. But this song was different.. I had been secretly writing it.
"I was going to surprise you with it when it was done." I admitted looking down at my lap. If he hadn't picked up earlier that this song was about him he should sure know now. I wanted to cry. I felt completely vulnerable, but I wasn't going to in front of him.
He still hadn't said anything so I decided to speak up. "If you haven't caught on yet, the songs about you." I whispered taking a deep breath in, letting all of my emotions out into the open. With this song he knew exactly how I felt about him in that moment.
"wow.." he whispered suddenly finding a spot on the table to be very interesting as he refused to look at me. I knew he wouldn't just jump right into my arms at this point but I was expecting something better.
"Please finish it. I'd like to hear it one day." He said as he scooted the chair back, lifting himself up to leave.
"John, wait!" I jumped up and grabbed his hand. I don't know why I did it, I just didn't want him to leave yet. I wanted him to want me as much as I wanted him, but that was stupid to wish for.
"What?" He asked and I realized I hadn't said anything else. I was just holding him hostage as I stood here like a statue.
I looked away from him as silent tears began to fall down my cheeks. I had so many emotions flowing through my body at this time and I could no longer keep them under control. When I turned to face him again, he was closer to me.
"Stop crying please, seeing you cry is what hurts me most." He whispered wiping my tears away one by one. I closed my eyes, taking in the feeling of is warm hand on my cheek.
"Everything will be okay." He promised but I knew it wouldn't be unless I had him by my side. In a hasty decision I pulled his head down to me with my right hand as our eyes met. I wanted him to kiss me more than anything right now. I felt his hand sneak around my waist as we stood there, forgetting about everything and anything. I felt him start to lean closer to me when-
"John? Babe is everything okay?" I heard Olivia say before she popped around the corner. By that time he had pushed me away from him nervously.
"Yeah, I just came for some water and saw that katy was up.. I'm coming back to bed." He said walking away from me, not even giving me a second glance. I was so close! Fuck, this was going to be hard. He's moved on clearly.. I just need to give up. I don't want to get in the way of their happiness anyway, it's not fair to them.
