School // j.g. c.c.

Twenty One

Jack

I don't notice the same twinkle in her eye anymore, but she's different now. A good different.

She's stronger than ever and I can just notice it in the way she walks. She looks so confident, like she has the whole world in her hands.

She stands tall now, confident, and determined.

Every time I see her it feels like my heart dropped down deep to the ground and my knees quake, and sometimes I can't help but forget how to breathe.

She looks so happy without me.

Maybe all I did was cause her pain but things are different now, so, so, different let me tell you that.

I did this all to myself and I know for a god damn fact things will never be the same between us.

I will never win her back, and I've accepted that.

Now it's prom night and she's standing across the gym with her own new love looking like she's having the time of her life, she's such a beautiful crafted piece of art.

She was right five months ago when we last spoke, I look for her in everyone and everything I see.

Missing her is an understatement and I'm fucking drowning in my feelings because of everything that I've done wrong to her.

I still have all of her secrets quietly locked away in my head, I've never told anyone anything that we've said to each other.

I don't even tell Johnson or Sam the things that she has spoke to me, I wanted her to trust me.

Sometimes I think she still thinks about me, I know she remembers me but I don't mean anything to her anymore.

All I am is just a memory.

And that's all that we will ever be is a memory.

If Camila is happy with Cameron, then I'm happy for her.

"Jack," Madison nudged me. I almost jumped at the touch. "Dance with me." Madison demanded, dragging me to the dance floor.

It was a slow song, making us slow dance.

I know it's wrong, I know all of this is wrong but I can't help but be so fucking jealous of Cameron, that should be me but I screwed up.

And then our eyes locked.

I couldn't read her expression, it was almost blank.

But I must have looked worried, or curious at her and it felt like the word stopped.

For a second, I forgot we haven't said anything to each other in months.

She shifted her eyes away and I did too.

-

"Jack, stop being so distant." Madison said.

I twitched my eyebrows together for a second but I just kept my stare blank.

"Look, Carter is having a party and-"

"Not a chance." I cut her off.

"Come on Jack, you'll loosen up-"

"I'm not going to smoke pot, Madison. Not again." I cut her off.

"Jack, it's not even that bad-"

"End of discussion Madison, you can go but I'm not." I glanced at her as she stood next to me.

"Fine." Madison glared, she turned around and walked away.

I sighed and walked out of the gymnasium.

I thought my senior year prom was supposed to be fun.

Maybe I just have the wrong date.

I walked out of the school and saw a girl sitting on a bench in front of the school.

And then I recognized her, it was Camila.

Without even thinking, I sat next to her and she slowly looked at me.

"What are you doing, Jack?" Her furrowed her eyebrows, she didn't speak in a rude way but she was curious.

"Sitting." I replied, looking out past the school parking lot, and put into the Main Street.

She didn't say anything, and I didn't either.

Minutes passed, and silence grew louder and louder between us.

I was surprised she didn't get up and leave.

"How are you?" I finally asked.

"Good." She replied without even thinking of her answer.

"Now answer me honestly, how are you?"

"I'm fine Jack, but thank you for asking." Her tone flat.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Jack." I could tell she was getting annoyed.

"Camila-" I cut myself off as she flinched from my touch.

All I was doing was placing my hand on her shoulder.

I kept my hand to myself and just stared at her, waiting for her to say something.

But she didn't.

"You were right." I spoke, leaning back a little in my seat.

She slowly scrunched her eyebrows together and looked at me.

"Right about what?"

"You'll figure it out. Someday."

She was so pretty, and it was so effortless. She looked down at her lap and we were stuck in silence again.

"If you want me to leave then I'll just go." I shrugged.

"I don't care if you stay or not." Her tone flat.

She seemed to have no interest in me, like I was nothing to her.

"Fine." I muttered, walking away from her.

"Don't push me away and then ask why I left, Jack! It's not my fault!" She yelled, I froze in my tracks and still had my back facing towards her.

"You handed me the damn scissors!" She yelled.

I hate to admit it, but she was right. But I feel like she just yelled at me like she had been holding in all her words for months and she had to blurt them out.

"I know, but just-I-I'm sorry." I stuttered.

Silence grew, and she didn't say a word. Her face was almost blank.

There was no point in this, I turned back around and kept walking further and further away from her.

That's all I could do, I left her alone and I can't help but wonder if she's used to feeling so alone again.

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