Breaking Bad

Losing

Can you hand me my bag.
"I dont know why you standing there looking pitiful. Like I should forgive you or something."
Don't be an asshole.
"No I can be whatever I want. Fuck you."
Okay. Don't say anything then.
"Alright."
Im sorry.
"Me too. Real sorry. Thats the thing this is not going be the last either. Is it? At least give me that."
I..
"Wowww!"
I been down for you since day one. When you left you didn't tell anybody. You just left. I had nobody just Trey and all them. Bo was there we bonded and it became more than just friends.
"I can't complain. I mean I'm in the same place your first love was in. You left him for me. So you just following the puzzle."
Puzzle!? Theres not a fucking puzzle what the fuck are you talking about boy!?
"I actually trusted you."
And I trusted you.
"What?"
You lied about your ex and all them other girls. You must have mistakenly mistaken me as one of them dumb hoes.
"I didn't. You lie to me so."
I don't lie I just dont tell you everything or every detail.
"Huh oh my god! Thats still not telling me something basically lying!"
Okay!
"Oh am I not suppose to forget about Izayah."
What!? That was when we were not together.
"No that was when we were together and you decided to go share your feelings with Bo and then broke up with me. Right we were together when you slept with Izayah."
Okay once and my decision was my decision not his I did that on my own.
"Oh so you can fuck around. That made it right."
Yes! It really did. I was free to do whatever I wanted! Is that what you want to hear!?
"I just wanna know the truth thats all I want and a loyal girlfriend. At least my exs were some what faithful."
Okay im a hoe, unfaithful, not loyal, untrustworthy, and more things. What?
"Your so stupid. Only reason I stayed around is because I love you so got damn much and care about you and you don't see it. You keep taking my love for granted and go sleep with exs and shit."
And like you havent.
"Once! I swear to god. Once."
So forget about that one girl huh. Please it was more than once. Lets be honest here.
"That Liyah girl was a mistake."
That was when we were together though. So was me and Bo.
"No! That wasn't a fucking mistake. Come on now. But Okay your point is you cheated on me and don't think I didn't find out about you and Frank and white castles after the carnival."
That was all Frank I pushed back.
"Man why cant you just, ughh why do I? I don't know."
Love you??
"Thats not even the question but thats a start."
Im sure Zee needs you.
"So you giving up?"
Me. No thats you with the bags packed and to never talk to you again. Yeah thats all you.
"That doesn't mean you cant still fight for me."
Go be with her. Shes got your baby. Im sure she misses you. I know she loves you so go. You'll probably have a much better relationship.
"I love you, I'm crazy about you lol, just you."
You think thats gonna change how I feel about you and him. You tell me you love and he tells me he loves me just as much as you do.
"I know what happen that day your sister died."
I just look up and shock and pointed my finger to the door.
Bye.
"Bye Jessica."
"Whats up." Frank says slipping away from the door.
"So y'all was listen?"
"I mean we could not listen." Sherita says trying to look innocent.
"Sherita I swear you need help." Buddy says laughing.
"It was impossible. Just saying." Sherita says shrugging her shoulders.
"Im out though but your main in there might need you."
"Alright man. Text me though this don't mean we over."
"Lol alright."

I sit in front of the bed and turned on the tv with my hands on head just thinking everything that happened in my life literally everything.

"Jess." Sherita says walking in nervously.
Hey.
"Whats up."
Nothing watching this show. What about you.
"Jess."
What?
"Its me man. What are you pretending for?"
Not pretending at all I'm straight.
"Right don't be fucking lying to me either."
Im not. I'll be right back though.
"Hey were you going?" Frank says grabbing my arm.
Hey Frank I'll be back I just need sum from upstairs.
"Awe okay. Hurry up."
Yeah.

I grabbed my jacket and sneaked out the door. I just started walking. It was cold and rainy but at this point I didn't even care I just needed to be alone. No phone no nothing just me and my thoughts. I was walking for a little minute so I sat down on some stairs. I just started bawling. Im so stupid. Someone touched me and I jumped and swung.

"Its just me." Bug says throwing his hands up.
Bug! Just leave I wanna be alone.
"You know I'm not leaving."
How.. How did you even?
"I saw you leave the house so I followed you to make sure you were good or maybe do something crazy."
What like kill myself!? Uhh no thats for dumb people actually thats for people that have really lost it or everything. Sometimes I even understand and agree why they did it because I would to.
"Lol. Stop crying."
I haven't done it in a while. I mean feel this down.
"Well no need to start again."
Huh. The question why keeps going through my head you know. Why this, why that, why everything.
"Questions but no answers huh?"
Nope. Not at all.
"I'm going to let you think on this one."
I dont wanna wake up every morning feeling I choose the wrong person or I'm with the wrong perosn.
"Are you pregnant?"
No. I shouldn't be I used..
"I was just asking cause you just all over the place."
Bug out of all people you should when I'm pregnant and I'm a little hurt you would say that.
"Just asking but can we be sure?"
Bug?
"Jess I love you but lets check."
Im not oh my god. I used protection and earlier don't count.
"Of course I know that but did you sleep with Bo or Buddy these past 2 to 3 weeks?"
I don't even know.
"How you not know?"
Okay buddy yes. I remember but not clearly but I remember. Bo I don't know.
"Okayy alright. I'm going to trust you on this one."
Shut the hell up. Guess what.
"What?"
I used to have this big crush on you.
"You did? How about now?" He makes a funny face.
Oh my god! Stop.
"Sooo?"
Yeah I thought you were super cute then I found out how old you were.
"I always knew you had a crush on me."
How?
"Just the way you acted around me. You act totally different and the way you do things. You fitile a lot with me and still do a little now."
I do not. You be lying boy. Gone go straight down I tell you.
"Thank you. Im not though."

I fitile. How, when, why, and how. I just said that but huh. I do kinda sometimes.

"Alright girl out you go."
Huh right. Wait your moma home?
"No I don't think so but we can see."
Mmm.
"Awe yall back. Sherita mad at you." Frank says walking up to the car.
Okay.
"You said you were going to be right back." Frank says looking mad.
I was and I'm back.
"No back downstairs little homie."
Okay okay I'll text her when I get my phone.
"Alright I'll be downstairs kids." Bug says walking downstairs.
"Were not kids man." Frank says.
"To me you are." Bug says clicking his tongue.
So what you want to do?
"You staying a night?"
I don't know, you want me too?
"Its up to you."
I dont care I just dont really want to walk back.
"Awe well don't stay."
Ohh lets play dance 4.
"You didn't even say that right but come on."
So.

I love dance four man best game ever created. I went first cause I'm the best and won the warm up try. We played for a long time pushing and screaming at each other. It was funny we had a good time. Later we went to his room and got ready for bed.

"You remember when you tried to you know."
Please don't thats so embarrassing.
"I lowkey thought it was funny."
You seemed more angery than anything.
"Because you knew how I felt about you."
Do you now?
"What?"
Still care?
"Of course I do. Probably not as much as I did."
Blah blah blah. Them lies are getting out of hand around here.
"I think you take the cake."
I probably do. I say kissing his cheek.