Chapter Seventeen
“You said you wanted to break up with her?!” Nadine shrieked. It had been a week since Cheryl left and I had had no contact with her whatsoever.
“Please,” I said, beginning to cry- again, for the umpteenth time this week since she left, “don’t make me feel any worse then I already do,” I begged, searching Nadine’s eyes for some kind of sympathy.
She tutted loudly, “but why? I knew things were a bit dodgy, but this all seems a bit extreme Kimba,”
“I don’t know,” I hung my head in shame, “I just got scared, it felt like I was slowly losing her Nads, I couldn’t bare it, I didn’t want a full on break up, just some time,” I explained, dabbing my eyes with a tissue.
“And she didn’t want that?”
“No, it was heartbreaking at first it really was, but then Cheryl being Cheryl got all angry and defensive – acting like she didn’t care anymore and then she -,” I couldn’t say it,
“Then she what?” Nadine asked, reaching over to the coffee table and handing me another tissue,
I sniffed loudly, “-then she said she didn’t love me anymore,” I wailed.
“She actually said that?” Nadine said, aghast.
“Well not in those words, but that’s what it implied,” I sobbed,
“What were her words Kimberley?” Nadine asked, calm as ever.
“She said that, I obviously didn’t love her anymore and that she was heading the same way,” I shuddered at the memory, which only made more tears pour.
“Oh Kimberley,” she sighed, “Don’t you see?” I shook my head, “She only said that because she obviously thinks you don’t love her anymore, she said it to protect herself, I mean who wants to put themselves out there like that?” Nadine smiled, thinking that would make me feel better.
I shrugged, “I don’t know, who knows, maybe she does feel like that,” I said sadly.
“You do still love her though?”
I answered with no hesitation, “yes, more then anything – no offence,” I smiled for the first time in ages.
“None taken,” she smiled nudging me, “then why don’t you call her? Work this out, come on you guys belong together,” Nadine said, as if it was the most simple thing in the world.
“I can’t call her, not now. It’s gone to far, she probably doesn’t want to hear from me and if she does, well she can call me,” I said, maybe a bit to proudly.
“Kimberley! Your the one who suggested this ‘break,’ she doesn’t know what you’re feeling!”Nadine said, I looked to the floor, feeling like I was being told off.
“She knew I didn’t want her to go really though,” I argued.
“Kimberley!” Nadine raised her voice, “You told her you wanted space, you can’t just turn her on and off like a light bulb, she was probably confused and upset the poor girl, I would of been,” Nadine scorned, but it felt good, one of the main reasons I asked Nadine over today was to talk, to get her honest opinion, whether it was in my favour or not.
I didn’t argue, I knew she was right all I could muster out was, “she’s hurt me too though,”
Nadine sighed sympathetically, “I know she has, but for some reason we always end up hurting the ones we love, you two belong together,” she repeated.
I started to cry again, “I don’t know if we do anymore,”
“you do, no matter what you think, she loves you,”
“If she loved me she would of rang by now,” I sulked, pulling my legs in close, hugging them with my arms.
Nadine tutted loudly, “Well you’ve just told me you love her,”
“Yeah? So?” I could kind of see where she was going.
“Well you haven’t rang her have you? Why should it have to be her?” Nadine said wisely.
I rolled my eyes, “point taken,”
“I don’t want you to think I’m having ago at you Kimberley, I love you, your one of my best friends, as is Cheryl. I’m giving you the tough love so you realise what you have to do, I want nothing more then for you two to be happy again,” she said in her Irish tones, wrapping her arms around me.
“I know, I understand, I guess that’s why I asked you around, I need someone to talk some sense,” I mumbled into her shoulder.
“Have you not seen anyone since she left last week?” She asked, retreating from the hug.
I shook my head, “This is the first time I’ve been out of bed for longer then an hour,”
“Oh Kimberley,” she smiled sympathetically. “I hope you’ve been eating!”
“I’ve been on the ice cream diet,” I shrugged.
“Typical break up diet,” Nadine smiled,
“I wouldn’t know,” I sighed, “I’ve never broken up with anyone before – well except Martin, but I don’t think he really counts,” I smiled weakly.
She shook her head, “nope he doesn’t count,” she returned my smile.
We sat in a comfortable silence for a while, before I said, “have you talked to her?”
“Yes, I gave her a ring and to be honest babe, she sounds as bad as you,” I nodded, not really knowing how to take it, “Nicola’s with her right now, doing the same job as me,” she smiled.
I tried to return the smile, but I think it was more of a grimace, what if Cheryl wasn’t missing me? What if she actually preferred it this way? I suddenly had a lot of bad thoughts swirling around my head, I honestly think I am going mad.
“Kimberley please ring her,” Nadine pleaded once again, “You can’t go on like this, you’re a wreck and I’m not even going to apologise for saying that – you know it’s true,”
I nodded, “I do, but I don’t know Nadine,”
“You’ve got nothing to lose – please?”
“But what will I say? There’s so much I want to say but I don’t know how,” I wailed.
“Just start off normally, if it’s easier, write yourself a little script,” she laughed softly.
“I might have to do that!” I almost broke into laughter.
“You going to call her then?” She asked.
“Yes,” I mumbled.
“Promise me?”
“I promise,” I said more confidently, “I’ll do it tonight – when you’re gone,” I realised I needed to do it, just to see how she was and what she was thinking.
“That’s the brightest thing you’ve said all day Kimba,” she smiled, pulling me into another hug. She pulled away frowning,
“what?” I asked.
“Kimberley? When was the last time you showered?” She said seriously.
I looked at her in horror, did I let it get that bad that I was an actual tramp? She saw the look on my face and burst into laughter, “Cheeky *Female Dog*,” I giggled. For some reason, knowing I was going to be speaking to Cheryl later on, made me feel a bit lighter, even though it terrified me.
