Chapter Twenty-Three
“Kim, please, Kim you don’t understand,” Cheryl shouted hysterically over the music, tugging on to my arm as I was pulled away by James, I had told him what I’d seen.
“Cheryl,” I said, trying to keep my voice level, “you don’t have to explain yourself to me, I get it, it’s done,”
“Noo,” she cried, as we made my way out of the club, I needed to get home, “I love you, you’ve got it wrong,”
“Cheryl, maybe it’s just best you get back inside,” James said, as he tried to hail a taxi.
“Don’t tell me what to fcuking do, I want to speak to her,” she said, her voice raised.
“Cheryl,” I sighed in a much softer tone as the taxi pulled up and James climbed in, “you don’t need to explain, I shouldn’t of followed you, I have no right anymore, you’re a free agent now, just please don’t go saying you love me, when you clearly don’t,” I just managed to get my words out before I climbed in the taxi and burst into tears.
I looked back towards where I had left her, she hadn’t moved an inch, the only difference was that Steve guy was trying to pull her back inside, which she wasn’t having any of, she was just watching my taxi leave.
From beginning to end, the whole night had been a disaster. I had arranged with Nadine a night in, but she had to cancel last minute because her parents decided to come down for a few days. Then I was persuaded by my cast members to come out on a night out, they showed up at my door, leaving me little choice. The only part of the night I enjoyed was dancing, I’d always liked dancing, regardless if I was good at it or not, that’s when my whole night started dramatically spiralling down.
I caught a glimpse of Cheryl, looking in distress, stumbling her way over to one of the side exits, I followed her, I don’t know why, I have no idea what I would of said or done if she was alone, but that was the thing she wasn’t alone, I hadn’t noticed that Steve follow her too. Next thing I see is her and him in the middle of kiss, that’s all I needed to see before my voice was breaking and the tears were dangerously close to pouring, hence why I wanted to get away from the club as quickly as possible.
“Are you okay?” James asked hesitantly, when I obviously wasn’t, my tears evidence of that.
I shook my head, “I know I told her that we should be apart – and that I can’t cope with her new life, but I never thought she’d move on that quickly,” I sobbed, the taxi driver must I thought I was a right case.
“Look hun it’s okay, you’re better off without her, I’ll walk you to your door, make sure you get in okay,” he said, as the taxi pulled up outside my flat. I couldn’t muster up the emotional energy to decline.
*
“Just make yourself at home,” I sniffed, entering the bathroom. My carefully applied mascara from earlier in the evening was now smudged around my eyes, I dabbed at them delicately, I wasn’t sure if it was healthy to cry as much as I had been lately.
I know I had no right to cry or be upset with her, I know at the night at the hospital I basically said no. But it wasn’t because I didn’t love her, not because I didn’t need her, it was for the pathetic reason that I wouldn’t be able to handle her life now, I would get increasingly jealous and anxious, the two things I never wanted to be.
I just didn’t realise Cheryl would of moved on that quickly and to see it right in my face was not nice, it was so many years ago but when Cheryl had to watch me with Martin, it must of felt like this, but this wasn’t school and we weren’t sharing a dorm, we lived apart and this was adult life.
“Kimberley?” Steve said from behind the door, knocking on it.
“Just a minute,” I said, trying to compose myself, why had I let him up here?
“Aww, good as new,” he smiled as I emerged from the bathroom, I smiled weakly. “I thought you could do with a strong drink, so I raided your cupboards,” he grinned, pointing to a glass of what looked liked vodka and lemonade on the lounge coffee table.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, gliding over to the sofa and picking up the drink before sitting down.
“rough night then?” He said as casually as possible, whilst sitting down next to me.
“Just a tad,” I mumbled, finishing my drink.
“You know, Cheryl’s an idiot for doing that,”
“Well she’s done it,” I mumbled again,
“But look at you, you’re sweet and gorgeous and so talented – she never did get the whole musical thing did she?” He smirked.
I frowned, “what do you mean by that?”
“Well, she never struck me as the liking musicals type, she’s a bit rougher then that,” he said bluntly.
“She doesn’t like musicals or anything like that, but she always loved what we did, she came to watch loads of times!” I defended.
“I’m not having a go Kimberley , I’m just saying you two are different. I mean she came to lot’s of the shows at the start, but how many did she come to after that?”
I knew exactly what he was getting at, but I was still going to defend her, “she was busy,”
“Too busy for you?”
“Why are you saying this?” I asked? Close to tears again.
“Just to make you realise that you shouldn’t be second best, you’re much better then that,” he said softly, moving towards me.
I shrugged and looked up to him, he leaned forward and pushed his lips against my own, and I didn’t pull away until my phone beeped in my bag,
Cheryl.
Kimberley, I’m sorry you had to see that, but I promise you you’ve got it wrong, even if we never speak again, you need to know that xx
“Was that Cheryl?” James asked, as I brushed away a tear. I nodded, “hey come on, forget about her,” he whispered, leaning in again, but this time my senses came into play,
I shook my head violently, “get out,” I ordered, pointing in the direction of the door,
“But Kim, you want someone to take your mind off her, I can be that person,” he tried to persuade.
“Just get out,” I sobbed, my emotions all over the place.
“You’re a complete nut job you know that?” He sneered, grabbing his jacket and bounding out the door. I knew I was, but I didn’t know what to do anymore, I was in complete despair without her.
