SMOKE (The Aurum Trilogy Book 2)

Chapter 16

SIXTEEN

Lauren

I sat in the center of the room with different wires attached to my body. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Different images flashed in my mind. My whole lifetime before Argentum. Times when I felt incredibly happy with my family, with my mother, my colleagues, with Zac. I dismissed it, willing away the smiles and laughter, willing away the weakness this experiment planted on  me, willing away the thought of death and vulnerability. My life is like a dynamite's fuse now. It's lit up and each time my emotions rise, the fire gets closer and closer to the explosive, closer and closer to destruction. Now it's up to me to put out that fire. I need to control myself. 

And then he come in again and my head spins round. I feel my knees go weaker and my heart hammer in a rapid pace. Be strong, Lauren. Focus. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. His hands trace my cheek and caresses it softly. His eyes, his hazel almost golden, almost amber eyes, take hold of me and capture me. His golden hair, a fair halo above his head.

 I don't love you. I don't and I can't. 

Daniel's face comes to my mind and I feel extremely relieved. While Jonathan is all radiating light, Daniel is ethereal, cold darkness. His sweet smile comes into focus and I feel my heart constricting. I remind myself of control but I remember, my weakness doesn't apply to us for a reason I don't know. 

"Time's up, Steel!" Dr. Carter yells from the controls. But I ignore him because in my head, Daniel appears with Jonathan and suddenly my heart feels like it's impossible to choose. 

No, Lauren. Do not lose yourself. How many time have you done this test? 

No. I can't. I can't choose. I've already chosen Daniel. Daniel is real. Jonathan's not. Daniel is my life now. Jonathan was part of a nonexistent simulation. He is my cure. He is my weakness. 

"Steel, it's time!" Dr. Carter yells again. 

"I don't love you." I mutter as Dan's image began to fade. 

"I love you, Lauren. I've always loved you." He inches closer to me, our foreheads touching. I part my lips involuntarily as his hand stretches on the small of my back, pulling me closer to him. Our bodies fit snugly and heat rises up to my cheeks. But this time, it's different. 

My heart no longer feels heavy when he says that he loves me. There's no more electric and magnetic sensation whenever he gazes into my eyes or whenever he kisses me. I no longer have fear to die because of him. Right now, it's different. 

He's kissing me but I don't feel weak at all. 

This time, I feel powerful. 

This time, I can control myself.

This time, I feel nothing. I FEEL NOTHING. 

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Dr. Fiouris stood before me, a holographic image of Aurum appearing in between the both of us. Today was the briefing for my mission, my mission against Aurum. 

I watched his fingers flip the image horizontally and enlarge it. Glowing red circles appeared on particular areas. 

"These are your targets." He presented with a flourish. "You will lead a hundred of Argentum's best men into battle and they will be stationed in the following divisions." 

"Don't you think that we have a probability to get outnumbered if we only send a hundred?" I questioned. 

"What we need is faith in a few, Steel, not strength in numbers." Dr. Fiouris said pressing the red circle located in a place I knew very well-Division 1.