SMOKE (The Aurum Trilogy Book 2)

Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Lauren

I lie down and stare at the ceiling. This is what I do every night before I sleep. If I ever get some sleep. This is what I would do before they would take me to die.

I toss and turn, mindful of the chains wrapped around my wrists and ankles. I've been in them for quite a long time to memorize the way they work, how their sensors feel the slightest hint of threat, how their blades whirr against my skin and leave their lacerations. My whole body feels weak. My every muscle aches from the blows I received and from lying her all day. My head is spinning and trying to take in what happened today but to no avail. I can feel every inch of me wanting to give up, wanting to surrender to Aurum and having them decide my death.  I have never been so vulnerable my whole life.

I shut my eyes and try to get a wink of sleep. I press my lips hard and banish all the events of this day from my head. I try to shut out Jonathan's voice telling me that I'm not P-0001 because I am P-0001. I was born and raised to be the monster I've become. I've been under simulation for the past 17 years because I am P-0001. I'm Argentum's savior. I am their last hope.

I stare at the ceiling again. I have never felt so helpless my entire life. Here I was, lying so still, beaten up and looking at nothing but the white walls of my room. I couldn't fight back. I couldn't do what I was made to do. But it's not because of Jonathan anymore. All I feel for him now is pure hatred and abhorrence. I want to kill him. I want to make sure he burns in hell together with his cabinet when Argentum arrives. I want these chained hands to kill him myself and have my revenge.

In two days, I will die. I can't help but think about it. I can't help but imagine how that rope would feel like when it's already looped around my neck. I wonder how death feels like. I wonder how would it feel to have your soul escape your body. I wonder what's there in the afterlife for me and whether I would die for a just cause. I want to die a hero. I want to die for the reason they made me. I just hope that when I take that final breath, Argentum would know that I was loyal to them until the very end.

I think of all the people I've spent my waking days with. I think of Lia. Lia, who has always been my faithful friend and loving sister. We may have not gotten along very well on the first try, but I am glad to have her. I'm glad that she became a part of me, and I wish her a happy life with Lawrence.

Then, Daniel's face surfaces on the back of my mind. I feel my eyes coming to the verge of tears. I want  nothing else but to feel his lips on mine or to be buried in his arms. I want nothing else but to look into his dark eyes and tell him how much I loved him. I bite my lip, trying so hard to mask the pain. I promised him I would come back. It looks like it's the last promise I'd ever make.

Finally, I think of the man who made me. I think of Dr. Carter and how I rejected him as a father. If only he knew that he was all that I needed now. If only he knew that I would do anything to feel his warm embrace or to hear his kindest words. I would trade anything just to spend more time with him and get to know him better. He was a good man, who had principles and knowledge. I want to tell him that. I want him to know that deep inside my heart of hearts, I knew he was my father.  I miss him. I miss him more than anyone in Argentum.

I can feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. Then, the attack starts. I don't care. All I want to do is to remain still and cry my heart out. Pain starts to consume every inch of me, but that isn't what hurts the most. The thought of not seeing these people before I die sets my heart on fire, and I guess I'll be forever scarred.

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I wake up with a sudden jolt of electricity. The angry face of a guard comes to view, and my eyes adjust to the blinding white light in my room. A guard slaps me, and I find myself suddenly awake. A pair of arms hoist me up and drag me towards the door. My body still hurts from the bruises I've gotten from the torture, and I want nothing but to rest and recover from my wounds. But I can't. I am not in charge here. Jonathan is.