SMOKE (The Aurum Trilogy Book 2)

Chapter 12

TWELVE

Lauren

I woke up, surprised that I was able to get a wink of sleep.

"You're up, sleepyhead." Lia's voice suddenly popped out from my bedside. I bolted upright which caused my head to throb a little. I am not immune to these kinds of small pains. "Sorry about last night." She muttered her voice not quite apologetic but I accepted it.

"It's alright." I said while rubbing my eyes. My fingers fell on my face again, examining it to see if everything was still real. So far, it was.

"I'm sorry if we got off a bad start." I told her. My voice sounded empty as usual. I have to remind myself not to feel as much as possible. "I had to distance myself." I cleared my throat. "My condition—"

"I perfectly understand." She said, raising both her hands up, smiling.

"Oh. Alright." I chimed in.

"Dr. Carter wishes to see you." She said, lacing her fingers and unlacing them.

"Tell him I'll be there after a few minutes." I told Lia as I stood up and pushed the sheets away, proceeding to my personal bathroom.

"Hey Lauren," Lia called out to me and I felt the warm grip of her hand around mine. "I wish we could start all over."

I shook my head. "You can't start all over again, Lia." As I uttered those words, I thought of Jonathan and how I could never start it all over again with him, about how he was just a very distant chance, about how he was very far from reality and closer to delusional imagination. I thought about the moment I fired the gun at him and the way the bullet hit his chest, the same chest where my head rested upon, that same chest that held the heart that was beating for me, that was screaming my name. "What's done is done."

-------------------------------------

I saw the look of disappointment in Lia's face as she ushered me to Dr. Carter's office. She opened the door for me and I gazed at her one last time before entering.

"Thank you." I told her.

"I shouldn't have brought him up. I'm sorry." She regretfully said before walking away. I entered Dr. Carter's office, shutting the door behind me.

"Good morning, Dr. Carter." I greeted him. His brown hair was tousled, his green eyes stormy with dark circles underneath. He looks like he hasn't gotten a wink of sleep.

"Good morning, Lauren." He gleefully said, the corners of his mouth twitching into a smile. He put down his glasses and stood up from his seat, walking towards me and giving me a hug. "I will be accompanying you to the training today." He informed me as he broke off. I didn't know why he hugged me. Didn't he remember that I wasn't suppose to soften or even have a hint of emotion? "But first, we have matters to discuss." He walked back to his seat and plopped back on his swivel chair. He gestured for me to sit on the black cushioned chairs in front of his desk and I politely nodded, finding comfort in one of them.

"How do you feel?" He asked, leaning against his work desk and smiling at me although the evidence of exhaustion was written all over his face, enough to become proof of his sleep deprived nights and tiresome work.

"Fine." I answered, my voice flat.

"Have you been controlling your emotions lately?" He asked again. I didn't know how to respond. I put two fingers to my lips and tapped them, following a certain beat. "Go on," He urged me. "Tell me."

"I guess I have." I replied.

"Good, good.." He murmured, nodding his head. "How are things between you and Mr. Deveraux?"