SMOKE (The Aurum Trilogy Book 2)

Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Lauren 

Tomorrow was the day I'm going to die, but sending him away made me feel dead inside. 

I stand up and face the window next to my bed. I know that I am being watched, and I know that nobody except the two of us knew about what happened a while ago. Nobody except Jonathan and I heard about my unexpected declaration.

But I do love him, don't I? Even if I have Dan? I just said it. 

But not all things said are truly meant. Some things are said for the sake of just saying it. Some things are said for the most irrational reasons like piles of ash swept by the wind once the whole thing burns. Some things are said just because saying it releases us, breaks us free from the bonds that tie us to ground or from the bars that hinder our freedom. 

I don't feel free at all. Instead, I feel as if a new set of chains coil around my hands, shattering my skin and crushing my bones. I feel these chains weigh me down and bind me to him. To my weakness. To my end. 

Love.

I don't know what it is anymore. 

When I had Dan I thought it was love. I thought being happy was being in love. But when Jonathan came I knew that love was more than being happy. Love was overpowering hate. Love was consuming your inner nature, transforming you into somebody you've never known before, someone you never thought you could be. Love makes you stand on the edge of the cliff and pushes you to test if you fall or if you fly. It makes you do things you don't do. It makes you say things that should be left unsaid. It makes you feel things you thought you were incapable of feeling. 

Love changes you. 

But love isn't enough. Love can never be enough. 

The world doesn't revolve around love. Back then, there must've been a time when the world knew about love and fought for it. Now love was a law, a rule not meant to be broken. Love was controlled. Love was dictated by sides. Love was based on war, on standards that set us apart. 

In our world, there's only hate. Only pride. Only deceit. 

I press my hand against the windowpane. It's raining outside, clouds with colors ranging from stormy grey to black swirl on the sky with the promise of lightning and the rumbling of thunder. 

Tomorrow would be my execution day, and all I could think of was how I've loved. How I've lived. 

In our world, there was no room for love. 

There was no room for us.

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I don't need them to wake me up. I didn't sleep at all. 

A nurse enters my room, checks if I am in perfect condition. I don't get the point of keeping me in the infirmary and healing my wounds if I get to die in a matter of minutes. 

If I ever get to die. 

Some part of me nags me and tells me that Argentum will come for me and rescue me. Some part of me hopes that Daniel would save me and come for me. It also hopes that he'd forgive me for everything I've done without him. 

Another lady enters the room. She is in all white, and her face looks gentle like an angel's. She doesn't speak as she leads me to a dresser. She pushes my hair back and starts brushing it. Again, I don't get the point on why they have to do this. I don't need to look my best when I die. I'll be dead anyway. 

They leave new clothes for me. This time, they're not in their usual white color. It's a black shirt and loose-fitting pants, the kind of clothing that prisoners wear in Aurum. They leave me and give me time to change.

I've only worn my shirt halfway when I hear the door open. I whirl around and see Jonathan, his face flushed and his eyes not meeting mine. 

"I should've knocked." 

"You should've." I echoed. "I thought that men like you had manners." I push past him and head out of the room, reaching out both my arms for the guards to cuff. 

"Wait." 

"There's no point in delaying the inevitable, Jonathan." I spin around and face him. "I'm good as dead." 

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There are so many people gathered in front of the Cockaigne. I stand in front of them, the rope hanging above my head. Jonathan delivers his speech, but I can't hear what he'a saying. 

My eyes scan the crowd, looking for hope, looking for a troop from Argentum, a glint of silver that might signal coming home. I search for a familiar face, and my eyes catch his. 

"Dan." I whisper. His dark eyes lock with mine and I see him make a move. He surges through the crowd, bumping and pushing people. Behind him, watchmen together with their guns, chase after him, ready to lash out control. I hold up my hand and tell him to stop. 

"Don't." I mouthed. 

He continues pushing past the crowd and he climbs up the platform. People gasp in outrage and utter disbelief. Daniel hugs me, bringing his lips to mine. I kiss him back, the ache of leaving him burying deeper into my heart. His fingers trace the lines along my jaw, and tears are starting to flow from his shut eyes. Despite everything, I smiled against his lips as he continued kissing me. 

"I love you. I love you. I love you." He murmured, his voice shaky and scared. He tucks a loose strand of my hair on my ear, and I reach up to wipe his tears away. Never mind the pain of these chains. I didn't care. He was here. 

"I'm sorry." I shook my head, burying it against his shoulder. Hundreds of eyes were watching us. I knew, but I didn't care. The watchmen were on the platform now, grabbing Daniel's arms and pulling him back. "Go." 

"I'm not leaving you, Lauren! I'm not leaving you!" He elbows one of the watchmen and he staggers back. They taser him, and I wince as if I was the one who felt the pain. 

"Don't watch." I whisper against his ear and plant a kiss on his cheek. 

My last kiss. 

They take him away, and they put the rope around my neck. Good as dead. I crane my neck and take one last glimpse of Dan. He has done so much  for me, even breaking the rules and following me here. Now, his life was in danger. All because of me. 

My eyes sweep over to Jonathan who was standing on the podium. He nods his head as a go signal. He doesn't smile at me, but his eyes avert and don't meet mine. 

The rope fits snugly around my neck. Within seconds, it will tighten. I try to think of happy thoughts, of Dr. Carter, of Lia, of Dan. 

Last of all, I think of Jonathan. I think of the night we spent together watching bioluminescent protozoa on the beach. I think of his lips on mine and feel them almost too immediately. 

I remember that night, and that night was the only thing I could think of. 

I focus on that night as I feel the rope tighten against my neck, and my feet rise from the ground. So this is what death feels like. 

Then, the bombs start to explode.