SMOKE (The Aurum Trilogy Book 2)

Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Lauren

Lauren

The gun gave nothing but a metal click. I opened my eyes to see Jonathan, breathing, alive and in one piece.

"Look," He said, placing his hands on my forearms and setting the gun down. "I don't want you to fight, Lauren. I just need your help."

I put the gun up again. "That's just the same thing."

"No, no it isn't. If you don't want anything to do with this war, then I won't force you to fight. I'll release you to them if that's what you want. I'll release you as soon as I can assure you're safe."

"And when is that?" I retorted, my tone becoming impatient. "Safe doesn't belong in my vocabulary."

"I just need your help." He set the gun down again, and his face curled up into desperation I couldn't quite understand. His eyes were different. They were not menacing nor alluring. They were pleading. I have never seen him this desperate before.

"Help with what?"

"I want to remember. I want to remember the simulation."

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I put the weapon back on the table and rushed out of the room. I bumped into Jonathan but gained access to the door. I could hear his footsteps following me close behind.

"No." I told him, picking up my pace. "Remembering the simulation is none of my business now."

I felt him spin me around and I cane face-to-face with him. His eyes were not too desperate now. Their flicked turned into one of determination. He wanted answers.

"Look, I know you were there. I know you're part of my memories. I know we've shared something back there that's-"

"That's not real." I finished for him. "What we had was not real. It was a test, a variable used to check our responses." I shook off my arm and he let go of it. "None of it was real."

The words were heavy as I said them. It was the truth, wasn't it? None of us was real, and none of us will ever be real. We were stuck in a mental prison designed to torture us and have us wondering what would happen if it happened. What would happen if we were together. What would happen if he didn't have to be a leader and I didn't have to be an experiment. What would happen if I didn't have to be a killer.

"I don't want to mess with your memories, Jonathan Kress." I backed away from him, preparing to leave. "I appreciate your taking me in, but I have to leave. I have a duty to my country."

I turned away, mustering all the strength I have to depart from him. I wanted him to remember, but he can't. He can't remember. It's better off this way.

"You're scared." He called out. "You think it's better to forget. It's not. It's even worse than remembering." I stopped on my tracks, slightly angling my head so I could see him. His figure has cowered, and his head is bowed low. "It feels like a part of you has been taken away, but you can never have it back." I balled my hands into fists, nails digging into my palms. His words have become daggers impaling my heart. He's crushing me, snapping me into two, pulling my strings and breaking me with his reasons. "You wake up next morning and wish you were back in that stupid simulation. You wake up and you want to find out what's real and what's not. A part of you remains missing, but just as when you have it back, your mind convinces you that it's not there. That it never was. That it wasn't... Real."

"Because none of it ever was." I whispered to myself. I turned to him, fighting the tears, fighting the next attack. "I'm sorry, Jonathan, but I can't help you."