Paralyzer || Barry Allen (The Flash) Fanfiction

Chapter 25: Overwhelmed

Caitlin's findings had been right — my system now contained both darkness and light, the two components mixed together. Strangely, though, I wasn't able to single out one component and use solely its abilities. Aside from my speed, oddly enough. It was as if combining the two had made a completely new element of its own. Something amidst light and dark.

Something like twilight, the point between daylight and nighttime.

Whereas I had been able to manipulate light beforehand, I could now take from both the light and the shadows to form the energy I needed. I was no longer limited to absorbing one or the other. It meant that I was more powerful, that it would be harder to get rid of me this time around. And, for some reason, I wasn't all that thrilled.

I loved my ability to manipulate light. Even though I still had powers, it felt that a part of me was missing now that I would no longer feel the pure blissful vivacity coursing through my system. Now it would always be a mixture, a contaminated form of the bright energy. I missed it.

Nevertheless, I refused to complain outright to anyone, especially when Barry was around. He had lost more than I had, and it seemed wrong to complain about my abilities when it was such a minimal thing in comparison to his sorrows.

I had left the house early this morning, wanting a little time alone before the boy woke up. I needed a few hours to think things through for myself before I started feeling guilty again and my thoughts became consumed with ways to make it up to Barry so I could get rid of my own remorse. Unfortunately, I wasn't alone as I made my way into STAR Labs. I could sense the other person's energy the moment I stepped in the building.

Weird. I hadn't been able to do that before...

When I made it into the center room of the complex, I recognized the other boy around my age who had been with the group back in Gotham. He was the first face I had seen after opening my eyes. He'd handed me the towel when I'd stepped out of the Lazarus Pit.

"You're the one who put me in the Pit, aren't you?" I called out as I stepped through the entryway.

I could tell my presence had taken him by surprise as he jumped slightly, whirling around to face me. He relaxed visibly when he realized who I was, though I could still feel the nervous tension in the air, literally see it radiating off of him. Were my eyes playing tricks on me? Maybe it was one of those side effects they kept mentioning.

"Uh... Yeah," the boy answered sheepishly, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. Quickly, his eyes widening as he realized what he'd just admitted, he pleaded to me. "Please, don't tell anyone. If your boyfriend knew, he'd—"

"Wait, wait, wait," I interrupted him, holding up my hand to silence his words. "My boyfriend? Who's my boyfriend?"

"Oh, right. You don't remember him," he mumbled. "Apparently, you and Barry were a couple. You know, before you, uh, died and all."

Now it all made sense. The heartbreaking looks. The despair he radiated. Barry loved me — or at least he probably did at one point — and to me he was nothing more than a stranger who's name I knew. This was even worse than I thought.

I shook my head as if doing so might shake away the guilt along with it. I had come here this morning to get away from these emotions, to spend some time just understanding my own thoughts and feelings more, and I was already failing at the task five minutes into the day. I needed to distract myself with something else.

I turned my focus back to the boy in the center of the room who stood with his hands in his pockets. Locking away any lingering thoughts of Barry to the back of my mind, I decided to try and get to know the boy who'd woken me up at least a little better.