Paralyzer || Barry Allen (The Flash) Fanfiction

Chapter 28: Ambivalent Hearts

The days passed, and, before I knew it, nearly two weeks had flown by me without notice. Each day was the same — get up, fight to keep Max out of my mind, go to sleep. I hadn't even been to STAR Labs since that night Damien had found me teleporting there, which meant that I hadn't been fighting crime. I was basically just trying my best to survive these past couple of weeks rather than living my life. It didn't help that I died just a little inside every time I saw Barry. Which happened to be every single day.

Almost on the daily now, bits and pieces of my memory were gradually returning. A flash of a kiss, a snippet of a conversation — it was all adding up slowly but surely. And, of course, it had to happen just after I'd already ruined everything between me and Barry.

Awesome. Perfect timing.

As if things couldn't get worse, Barry had gone out looking for Wells on his own, and, apparently, he and the rest of the team were keeping the evil genius and his little minion, Max, in one of the containment cells beneath STAR Labs as of yesterday.

Yes, Barry still talked to me, but with a high level of detachment now. It was almost like it was a chore to report the daily news to me, like he couldn't wait for it to be over. I knew I deserved this, that I'd brought this coldness upon myself, but I couldn't help but feel hurt. I missed the friendly Barry. I wanted him back.

However, with the bad came the good. And the good news was that Max didn't have the power to control my mind anymore now that he was in his cell. If only that could have happened over two weeks ago...

It felt a bit strange walking back into the laboratory after my rather lengthy leave of absence, but I had to admit, I was pretty darn happy to be within these walls again. They brought a sense of familiarity to my life that had been missing for a while. I just hoped that everything would go back to normal, and that I could get right back out on the streets and kick some criminal butt finally.

But everyone knows by now that my life is a series of unfortunate events. So, basically, nothing ever goes according to plan.

It was an odd sight to behold the moment I walked into the cortex. Everyone — and I mean everyone — was standing in the middle of the room, a tense and somber tone hanging in the air. Caitlin, Cisco, Damien, Professor Stein, Ronnie, Joe, Eddie, Iris, and, of course, Barry — they were all silently exchanging glances amongst one another as I stopped at the base of the entrance.

"Uh... Hi?" I spoke up, unsure of what to do. The moment they all turned their eyes to me I immediately regretted even calling attention to myself. My cheeks flushed in nervousness, and I folded my hands in front of myself. "Could you guys maybe give Barry and I a couple minutes alone, please?"

Without question, the group scuttled out of the room. As Caitlin passed, she offered a curious but sympathetic look, and Cisco's warning glance didn't make me feel much better about what might happen in a few moments. Iris gave me a quick hug and whispered an almost inaudible good luck as her eyes flicked to the boy. How upset could he really be?

"You knew about Dr. Wells this whole time," Barry began as soon as everyone was out, his eyes blazing with pent up anger as he looked at me. Okay, so maybe he was kind of furious... "You knew where he was. You knew where Eddie was. And you didn't tell me?!"

I was slightly taken aback by the force behind his words, but I couldn't deny that he was right. I had left Eddie in danger this entire time, but the truth was that I couldn't have told him even if I wanted to. That would have just put Barry in the position to ruin his life which, apparently, I hadn't avoided considering we were in that exact situation right now.

Instantly, I felt a fire ignite within me, a sense of incredulity in response to Barry's accusations. "Do you even realize what I went through just to keep this all hidden from you? Do you think I liked hiding something like this from everyone? You haven't even thought about why I did what I did, let alone the torture I put up with to keep you safe!"