The walking cliche

Halloween bonus: he seemed like a leprechaun

Jake

"Dude, stop working. We should hit the bar." Parker said while I was working in agony behind my desk. The bar did seem like Parker's best idea ever.

I scratched the back of my head after a short stretch. Sitting on that fucking chair all the time would probably make my back rotten by the time I'd hit my thirties. "Bar. Sure." I said.

"Or..." Parker looked at me with slightly rapey eyes. I'd gotten used to his weird facial expressions. He was just one of those people who looked horny all the time. Even when he wasn't. I hope.

"The suspense is killing me." I deadpanned.

"I have some really good weed. Like, really good." Parker explained enthusiastically. That would explain that look of desire he was sporting. The corner of my mouth raised instinctively upon hearing his good news.

"Fuck yes." I said.

"This stuff makes you tired though." Parker warned me before he handed me a blunt.

"So does alcohol. When I mix the two there's always a point where I wonder whether I'm awake or having some fucked up dream." I told Parker.

"You better hope it's a dream. I had a really bad trip once, I was paranoid for days. It was during my exam period and I felt the need to hide my exams because even the teachers seemed like impostors. Never again." Parker sighed.

"Never again he says while taking another drag." I replied mockingly.

I never really got why Parker had told me it was 'really good weed', it seemed like the regular kind to me. Maybe he'd always been unfortunate with his dealers or something stupid like that. It just ended up being a cool evening. It didn't last long before we opened a bottle of scotch and watched some weird documentary about animals on National Geographic Channel.

We decided not to stay up too late because I had a showing in the morning. I couldn't look like a total stoner while giving people a tour of their future homes. I was planning on selling the shit out of that house. It was huge as fuck.

Luckily, I didn't feel too crappy the morning after. In fact, I felt very energized and didn't feel like dying when I jumped into the shower. I was checking up on the house in no time. I should be given a fucking award for the amazing job I was doing. I'd definitely get myself some popcorn later in the day, I'd deserved it.

The house seemed in good shape and a few minutes later I heard a car arrive, indicating my potential buyers were there. I put on a charming smile and opened the door. The words got stuck in my throat and my smile quickly faltered, making place for a very surprised expression. "Holy shit, what are you guys doing here?"

It seemed like the whole gang was here all of a sudden.

"Hey, man! We wanna see you do your thing." Snake said. Gwen, Code and Tessa nodded while Jill was standing in the back being a little quiet. For some reason she decided that black was the way to go even though it was a sunny day.

"You guys do realize there's no booze, right?" I asked, just to be sure things were clear.

"We'll survive." Code said gravely.

"Yeah, we don't drink before noon!" Gwen chimed in.

As if on cue, everyone looked at Gwen, quietly forcing her to stop lying and eventually she succumbed to the unspoken pressure. "Fine! We would." She sighed. "Fuckers." She added quietly.

"Well, you guys chose the perfect house because it's huge as fuck! Follow me." I told them and walked them through the kitchen and living room before taking them upstairs. The best part of the entire house was the huge attic but I decided to keep it as last.