The walking cliche

My balls were full and my cup was empty

Jake

"Jake Jake Jake." I woke up with Emma jumping on top of me. I groaned, grabbed her and locked her in a hug. If she wanted to be with me, she'd have to function as a teddy bear.

"No! Jake, wake up!" She wiggled and screamed.

I was taking a nap.

A fucking nap.

Apparently I'm an old man now.

At least you get a weekend off from school, there was no escaping this romance crap. Almost an entire week I'd been giving Tessa chocolates, flowers, quotes and compliments. I even massaged her shoulders in between classes yesterday. I'd rather massage other body parts.

This sucked.

My balls were slowly retracting inside my body.

The last time I'd gotten laid was last week.

Last week.

I'd been spanking my soldier like a horny thirteen year old virgin.

And the worst part is that Tessa is actually enjoying everything. There were no signs of her getting irritated.

That was gonna change with the date I had planned for tomorrow. It was in the top five of mushiest dates on romanticcrap.com. That website is a lifesaver.

I noticed I was dozing off again when I felt two little hands pinch my face.

"Ow, you little monster. What do you want?" I growled when she was pulling my eyelids.

"I wanna play." She said with big puppy eyes. Please, I'd invented those puppy eyes, they didn't work on me.

"Alright, you go hide and eventually I'll seek." I yawned. Naps didn't really work. Maybe they could work if you didn't have an annoying little sister with way too much energy.

Maybe I could tie a bow around her head and give her to Tessa. Giving someone a kid should count as a romantic gesture, right?

"I'm not falling for that one again." Emma stated. I laughed, I'd pulled that one way too many times before.

"I have an idea! We'll play servant. I'll ask you to do stuff for me and you'll do them." I flicked her nose.

"Jake, stop it!" Emma huffed.

"Since when are six year olds this smart?" I asked out loud.

"I'm seven." Emma said while holding seven fingers in the air, just in case I had no clue as to what seven actually was.

"Really? When did that happen?" I mumbled. I started losing count when she turned five. Just like my mom had started losing count on her thirtieth birthday.

"Come on!" Emma pulled on my arm when I was starting to move like a sloth in a wheelchair.

"What are we playing?" I sighed.

"Tea party!" Emma yelled.

"Emma no. You always make me wear that tiara. It's itchy!" I complained.

Emma expertly ignored me. She dragged me to her room and what a pleasant surprise, the tea table had been set and her teddy bears were already waiting impatiently. Just my luck.

She gestured at a grey teddybear that was holding a big red heart. "Lucy says you're late." Emma told me.

Lucy could go fuck herself.

I sat down on the little chair. It surprised me that the poor thing hadn't caved under my weight yet. This was just an accident waiting to happen.

"Tiara." Emma placed the sparkly tiara in my hand.