The walking cliche

You lying piece of carpet

Jake

"You're kidding, right?" I asked while getting agitated. Well, agitated was a huge understatement.

"I'm not. It's his birthday, Jake." My mom argued.

"So? Where was he on my birthday?" I asked. I knew it wasn't fair to my mom to lash out at her when she didn't do anything wrong but I was fucking angry and it was either yell at her or punch through a wall. I wasn't gonna punch through a wall. Again.

"Jake." Mom pleaded. "Emma wants to see her dad. If you don't want to wish him a happy birthday then do your sister and me a favor, alright?" My mom pleaded. She then raked her fingers through her hair and closed her eyes for a second. "I don't wanna fight about this." She sighed and I could tell by the dark circles underneath her eyes that she really was too tired to fight.

"You mean you don't wanna fight about this again." I said more calmly now. I could already feel the anger dissipate. My mom and I only fought about one thing; my dad.

"Exactly." A tiny smile appeared on my mom's tired face.

"Fine, I'll take Em to see dad tomorrow." I said in a whiny voice.

"You're not just gonna drop her off, Jake." My mom told me. She could already see the plan forming in my head. Damn, I was getting predictable.

"I'll be a fucking angel and stay with her. Happy?" I rolled my eyes. I wasn't really  gonna leave her alone with that guy we call 'dad'.

"Language." Mom flicked my ear. "But yes, thank you Jake."

"Whoa there, I said I was going to dad. You can't expect me to stop cursing at the same time. You expect too much woman!" I teased her.

"God forbid your image as a bad boy would get tarnished." My mom rose her left eyebrow.

"I'm gonna ignore the sass but I'm glad you understand." I answered.

"To think I'm more worried about Emma when she grows up." My mom shook her head. I stepped closer so I could give her a hug.

"Yeah, that girl's just evil. Good luck with that one." I told her and I could hear her laughing in my embrace.

"Do you think it's too late to give her up for adoption?" My mom joked when she broke the hug and went to clean the kitchen.

"Definitely not!" I exclaimed. I was glad the tension between us was gone.

"Do you have plans today or are you gonna help me clean?" She asked. I knew this was her way to get me out of the house.

"Sure, big plans. Important plans. Wish I could help." I told her.

"Get out of here, you lying piece of ... carpet." She said and we both burst out laughing.

"What just happened?" I laughed.

"This is your fault! I never curse." She told me.

"But you were going to call your one and only precious son a piece of poo. At least call me a son of a bitch." I smirked.

"I'm gonna count to three and if you're not out of the house by then, I will make you clean the entire house with your toothbrush, young man." She threatened but the glee was evident in her dark eyes.

"You were the one calling me names." I countered.

"One."

"You started it!" I said.

"Two."

"Alright, alright!" I told her and ran towards the door. She was my crazy mom and it was very clear she was way too tired to focus on anything but when she'd start counting, I just knew I had to get out of there.