Chapter 12

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Lissa POV

I woke up the next morning, still red eyed and puffy from my breakdown yesterday over Rose's chotki. I didn't want her to be dead, I wanted her to stay alive and be my only Guardian. Who will they give me now? No one else can do her job like she could. I don't want anyone replacing Rose. And that was the truth. Rose was my Guardian. She wasn't suppose to die that way. Not at that age, at least. I sighed and just laid there in the bed for a few seconds longer. I knew that at anytime I'd have to go and get ready, but, I just didn't want too. How was I suppose to get through this? The answer was super clear: I didn't want too. I had too. It was as simple as that.

As I laid there, I heard a knock on my door. I rolled over, groaning as I didn't want anyone to come in and tell me to get a move on with today. I looked and finally said, " Come in!"

I saw the door open as Christian's blue ice eyes came into view. I took a deep breath as I watched him, wondering why he was here. " Hey, Lissa." He said gently as if he didn't want to upset me, but, the truth was, I was very very upset. Nothing would change that. Nothing. I looked down into the depths of my pillow, breathing in gently as I looked back up at him.

"You're not going to say 'Hey' back?" He asked, I could hear the sadness creep into his voice as I breathed in again, feeling the urge to just break down completely. I couldn't though. I needed to be strong for the others. They needed me more than my grief did.

" Sorry.." I whispered as I sat up in the bed from where I was lazliy slumped like frog on a log. " I haven't really been wanting to do a whole lot at the moment."

" No, no. I get it, Lissa. You're greiving. It's a natural thing. No need to worry." He sat on the edge of the bed, watching me as I sat there looking down at my hands.

" Has Dimitri gotten the flowers? What about Tasha with the casket? Is everything settled in? " I asked.

" Yes, Lissa. Everything is set. She's in the casket, with the clothes you had recently picked out for her."

I ndded as I watched him carefully, his blue eyes looked at me with a soft verve. "Everything is set up, unless you want to get a few pictures of her and you to put out on the table?"

I felt my throat start to tighten as I nodded. I quickly got up, heading over to my desk and grabbed two pictures of me and her that had been facing down on us so that way I wouldn't have to see it every single time I come into my room. I swallowed as soon as I touched it. It felt like salt pouring into a recent cut. I breathed in and quickly gave the photo to Christian who imediately pulled me into a hug. I rested my chin on his shoulder, holding him to me as tears came over my face.

" It's okay, Lissa. I promise, everything is going to be fine. We'll get through this together. Okay?" He whispered.

I nodded and told him I had to get ready for the funeral that would be in about a good four hours from now. The whole gang was suppose to meet at Rose's room that would serve as some kind of meeting point. I blinked rapidly as Christian bent down, pulling his lips to mine as I kissed him gently back.

After he left I took a deep breath, going to my closet I chose a blue silk shirt and leggings that hugged in all the right places. After that I went to the bathroom and washed my hair under the facuet. After that I blow dried my hair and straightened it. I took a deep breath as I didn't bother to put any make up on. After I was done I went in search of my black flats. I quickly slipped them on and went out of the apartment with my bag slung over my shoulders. Completely composed.

**********

After two hours passed the majority of the gang was surrounding what use to be Rose's bed. When I'd first gotten here, I remembered I had went straight into her bedroom, curling over her bed and taking a big whiff of her scent as I let out single, silent tear. I hated that she was gone, but, that I'd somehow would get myself together before the others came in and saw me breaking down. That's not what I wanted them to see. A few mintues later, I found myself in the kitchen, a bit talking in the back ground as I silently moved around the Kitchen, grabbing a boost that me and Rose would always drink before we went off to bed. Tears pooled in my eyes as I silently ripped the packet and put the straw in the hole as I sucked. Tears streamed my face which I almost always wiped away.

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