Patience of a Gordon

Chapter Twenty

I hope y'all enjoy the chapter!

Chapter Twenty

Realization.

It was that moment when everything came crashing together in sync. It was that moment that forced you realize everything was not as you imagined it may be. It was the strongest point, the center, of that one moment.

Realization could make it all more clear, like a fresh, sweet breeze on a sweltering day. It could make you sigh in relief like a shine of light at the end of that endless tunnel. Realization could be the best thing that happened to you.

Realization could also be the worst thing that happened. It could be the ten-ton weight that just suddenly drops on your light shoulders. It could be the swelling regret you start feeling, that remains by your side until you take your last breath.

For me, I was not sure whether Realization would be the former or latter. I wanted the blissful version of Realization, to feel its light caress and embracing arms. However, seeing Kai there made me believe I would be given a heartless form of Realization.

I could physically feel Realization slam into me, directly piercing my heart. I was not given the chance to prepare myself for its "greeting."

I came to the realization that I could not continue my relationship with Kai. It was becoming dangerous for the both of us, seeing as we only yelled at one another and were steadily spiraling downwards.

We would end up hating one another, and it would only grow into a toxic relationship. If Kai and I were to truly begin our own leap, we could not continue on as is. I would not raise my children knowing my mate was tired of me or vice versa.

Kai had been pacing the room back and forth, but he had halted when he noticed my presence. His eyes were flickering with a variety of emotions, unsure of how to interpret my appearance. At this point, I was as unsure as him.

"Kai," I started, my voice low. His eyes now held curiosity, yet were wary of what was to come at the same time.

"I don't think we can do this anymore. We cannot keep going like this if we both want our chance at happiness, can we?" I asked, my own words uncertain. That was how I felt about all of this: uncertain.

Kai's eyes were on me the whole time, and he had remained silent. I hesitated before continuing, thinking it was best to do so before he finally regained his words.

"If you still have not found anyone by the time we are reunited, then it is meant to be, correct? I will keep my promise, Kai, if there is no one else in your heart when this is over. I cannot continue to stand by and watch as everything collapses.

Until it is all done, we need a break, my lumeleopard. I do not see our relationship furthering itself but instead diminishing, if we do not take one." My voice had grown softer near the end as if afraid to voice my opinions on the matter.

He was still looking at me, his eyes holding nothing. He seemed to have detached himself from the situation. Judging by his next words, that was precisely what he did.

"Are you here to say goodbye before they kill me?" he asked, his tone making the drastic question sound like a daily one.

I could feel the hairs on my neck bristling, upset he had completely ignored my words. Perhaps he did not think I was serious; however, it did not justify his words.

"Prince Gordon has the patience that you do not! He did not even consider killing you," I snapped, but his eyes softened and his shoulders relaxed as if all was suddenly okay.

He started towards me, but I took a step back, not prepared to allow myself so close to him yet. He paused, his stance conveying the hurt he felt while his face held the confusion. He still could not see past himself and understand why I wouldn't allow him near me.

"All is not okay, Kai, do you not understand? You and your emotions are going to be the reason we are both kicked out and possibly killed!" I tried, my voice desperate for him to grasp the situation we were in.

His jaw tightened before he spoke. "My actions may have been harsh, süda, but my motives were true. I warned you that I would hurt the Prince if he went near you."

"Kai, you cannot keep acting this way! It does not matter if you warned me! Now, because of your selfish actions, Prince Gordon and I are going to be alone without you," I yelled, nearly regretting the words once seeing Kai's face.

He had gone completely quiet, his eyes searching mine for the truth. I stared at him, waiting before I could hear a low growl rumbling in his throat.

"You aren't funny, Ivy. I won't leave willingly, not without you," he replied, his voice abruptly calm. It was unnerving how quick the change in him had happened.

I paused before I lied to Kai for the first time. "You are being sent to another palace, Kai," I said quietly, bowing my head. It hurt to say it, to lie to him, but I did not see this working any other way.

If Kai stayed here, in another wing or not, he would find a way to harm Prince Gordon again. Separating us in the same building would not put a stop to Kai's behavior. He was determined, more so now than ever.

However, perhaps if he were to stay elsewhere for a small amount of time, things would calm down. I knew Prince Gordon had yet to make a decision, but I knew he would be fine with whatever I chose.

"Like hell I am! I will kill anyone within sight that tries separating us," he snarled, his anger coloring him. The room had grown thick in atmosphere, eagerly awaiting for something to happen before it exploded and settled around us.

"That is your problem, Kai: you think you can hurt everyone to make all better! But it is not working here, can you not see that? If you keep doing this, you are going to end up dead like our leap!"

We both grew silent, the tension unravelling and slipping underneath the room to leave us alone. I bit my lip, wishing I could tell him I had lied and that all would be fine. However, doing so would only get us in this situation once again.

I walked over to Kai, slowly, before wrapping my arms around his waist. I squeezed him tightly before I felt his own arms wrap around me in a strong embrace. My eyes closed, savoring the moment and wishing time would free.

"Perhaps it is better for the two of us to remain separate for a while, armastatu. It will only be for a short time; we will be okay," I whispered, pressing my lips briefly to his chest.

I could feel him stroking my back, his other hand cupping my chin so that my face met his. He pressed his lips against mine and I was sure he could taste the tears that had begun falling down my face.

"Promise me you will save yourself for me, südame, that you will wait for me," he whispered back, his face serious.

"I will, Kai. I promise," I replied right before the door slammed open. An enforcer stood at the entrance, watching the both of us with a hand hovering over his weapon.

"It's time for you to leave," he said briefly, jerking his head towards the door. Kai's hold tightened on me, making me want to do just the opposite.

He allowed us to murmur a few more parting words before the two of us were pulled apart, me crying and Kai yelling. I almost fought them and ran back, but I knew it would only result in the harm of one of us.

I was escorted to my room, which felt empty without his presence. I crawled into the bed that seemed much too big, my tears my only companion for the rest of the night.

[lumeleopard - snow leopard]

[süda - heart]

[südame - my heart]

[armastatu - loved one]