Was it All an Accident? (A Harry Styles Fan Fiction, Book Three)

Part Two: Do You Hate Me?

(Whytnie’s POV)

“You are now free to go,” I was reassured. I rolled my eyes as I was being put into a wheel chair and chauffeured out of my hospital room. Harry walked right beside me, who hadn’t left my side the entire time I was in here, his hand reached out to support me as we walked into the main lobby so my father could check me out. My mother was at my apartment-loft thing already starting to gather up my stuff. I just hadn’t told Harry yet.

            “When can I walk on my own?” I asked. Nobody answered me. Harry started to seem distant since we heard the big news. I’m not sure I could handle it on my own. I’m terrified about dying. But if I wasn’t strong for them, who would be? “I’m not an invalid, you know,” I say to try and get a smile out of someone. It didn’t work.

            My father finished signing papers and pushed me out of the hospital. We ignored the cameras and we ignored the fans. Harry seemed to shut himself off and only looked down as we were rushed into the car right in front of the front doors. At least they let me stand up and get in the car on my own. That was a start, I guess.

            Everyone was silent in the car, you couldn’t even hear anyone breathe. I mean, I know it’s a lot to take in but I need someone to act semi-normal! How am I supposed to even begin to deal with all this crap that’s going on when nobody else can help me! I can’t do this on my own.

            Man, I feel like screaming.

            Would somebody just breathe normally? Maybe look me in the eyes! Will someone just stop all this weird quiet-zombie-like mood they were in? I just need somebody to make me feel like I’m normal, or as normal as I was before, again.

            “I’m hungry,” I said even though I wasn’t. Nobody moved. Harry glanced at me before turning back to the road. He kept driving by in silence before turning off into McDonald’s. I didn’t need to say anything as he ordered what I wanted. He asked my father if he wanted anything but he said he wasn’t hungry even though he didn’t even eat breakfast. “Please?” I felt the tears start to fall before I could control them. “Can you act normal for like two seconds?”

            Nobody answered me, instead Harry told the lady that was all he wanted to order. I sighed knowing I wasn’t going to get anywhere anytime soon. My eyes wandered outside my window, ignoring the eerily quiet silence inside the car and focused on what was going on anywhere else but here. Harry drove up to the next window, paid and then drove to the next to receive my food. I watched as some lady jogged without a care in the world. I watched as some little girl started crying because she didn’t want to leave. There was a young couple joking around as they made their way to their car. I watched as an elderly couple started walking towards the entrance.

            “Here,” Harry said just loud enough for me to hear. He met my eyes for only a second before turning back to face the road. He drove in silence once more.

            The silence was going to kill me before my disease would be able to finish me off.

            Hey, that’s one way of looking at things. Such an optimist.

            After a few more minutes, Harry parked his car and let out a huge breath. He seemed to be fighting for control and trying really hard not to break down in tears.

            My father cleared his throat and opened his door. “Well, I’ll meet you both inside.” He gave me a small smile before shutting the door and heading towards my house. Well, not really my house anymore. It didn’t feel comforting or reassuring. I didn’t feel like going back in there to remember all the times I felt so alive. Now I wasn’t. I wasn’t alive anymore. It didn’t feel like that.

            Maybe this is what dying was like.

            Again with the optimistic views.

            “Well, we better go inside,” Harry whispered after my father had shut the front door behind him. We had been sitting here, silently watching him go. Neither of us knew where to begin to talk about this situation. Nor did either of us make any sort of movement to leave.

            Well, I guess it was up to me to get the ball rolling.

            “Do you hate me?” I whispered. His eyes widened and he looked shocked. Maybe I was asking the wrong questions.

            “Why would you ever think that?” He looked hurt. Well, duh. Apparently, I don’t know how to handle the situation either.

            Just make him hate you, it’ll be easier that way, the voice in my head answered. He’ll leave before you’re gone for good, and it’ll be better for him that way. He’ll heal a lot quicker.

            My sobs started to make my whole body shake. Harry quickly got out of the car to come around to my side to hold me. He whispered soothing lies into my ear. Things like, “Everything is going to be fine.” Other things like, “We’ll be okay.” Another like, “We’ll figure this out.”

            Even though I knew they were lies, I really needed them.

            I needed something to get through this.

            And I was way too selfish to give him up.