Was it All an Accident? (A Harry Styles Fan Fiction, Book Three)

Part Thirty-Five: I Can't Make Any Promises.

(Harry’s POV)

I dreamed. Or well, I let my memory play out like a dream. It seemed so far away and yet so close that I could reach out and touch her. But I couldn’t. She was just space and my hand went straight through her like air.

            She was talking, saying something important by the look on her face. I watched her as she snuggled in closer to me. We were both lying in the grass outside her father’s house, looking up at the stars. This happened not too long before the wedding. “Promise me something.” She kisses the back of my hand, letting one single tear fall. “When I’m gone,” it’s hard for her to get the words out, but not as much as it hurt to hear them, “I want you to find someone that makes you happier than I ever could.”

            “What?” The word falls out before I can think of something more brilliant to tell her.

            “I want you to promise me that your life will go on, and that I will become the past and that you’ll look forward to the future.” Why is she saying this? She wasn’t dying now, was she? She couldn’t be. She isn’t. There’s no way she could!

            “I can’t promise you that,” I reply through gritted teeth.

            “You have to, Harry!” she tries to plead.

            “No, I don’t!” I try to contain myself from yelling, with my hands balling into fists to try and contain my anger. “I don’t have to promise to forget you! I can’t make that promise.”

            “Promise that I won’t hold you back, then.” I look over at her, both of us having tears threatening to fall down and ruin our nice evening. We had already promised that we weren’t going to cry anymore. Well, not until the wedding. We agreed to only cry if they were tears of happiness.

            “My heart will go wherever you are,” I reply, “I can’t make any promises.”

            She shakes her head and looks away, back at the stars. “Then I’ve doomed you.”

            And then all I see is black once more.

            When suddenly, I don’t anymore.

            Another memory forms in the front of my mind.

            She’s standing there, all dressed up because we’re going out. It was before the illness. Before both of our lives changed forever. Before our time together was limited.

            The way she stood there, with complete confidence, as she smiled at me. I was standing in the entryway, awaiting her descend from upstairs. She’s beautiful, and never fails to amaze me. As she steps closer, my arms outstretch towards her as she lets me take her into my arms. I never want to let go. I will never let go. You’re mine. Forever and always.

            She pulls back, the smile still perfectly in place. “Harry,” she starts, her eyes taking a more glassy look, “I know that we’ve only known each other for a short period of time, but it feels like I’ve known you my whole life.” I knew exactly what she meant. “I can’t even remember a time when you weren’t there, and I don’t want to have to.”

            And neither did I.

[…]

(Harry’s POV)

When I awoke, my eyes took a few moments to adjust to the lighting in the small hospital room. My mother was on my left side, my hand in hers as she was stroking it with her thumb. Gemma was on the other side, both of them looked like they’d been crying for a while. I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand what was going on. I don’t know why I’m in a hospital bed. I don’t know why they’re crying. I don’t know why they look relieved when they find out I’m awake. I don’t know why their face falls as reality settles in. I don’t know why Gemma won’t look into my eyes. I don’t know why my mother is fighting for control. I don’t understand what’s going on.

            “M-Mum…?” My voice cracks. She would explain to me what was going on.

            “We’re losing her,” she whispers, her own voice hard to make out while she tried to hold back her sobbing. I didn’t understand who she was talking about. “Whytnie, Harry. We’re losing her.” And then I threw up as it all came crashing back to me.

            This couldn’t be happening.

            She wasn’t going to die. She wasn’t going to die this way!

            I wasn’t going to let her die!

            It wasn’t her time!

            This had to be some kind of sick joke. But why would my mum lie?

            This couldn’t really be happening. My dream… This was a true nightmare.

            The love of my life couldn’t be dying!

            It wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be possible…

            “No!” I screamed, letting the anguish wash over me. The nurses rushed in to check on me, but I tried pushing them away. They shouldn’t be paying attention to me, not when Whytnie needed them! Whytnie needs you, I tried to say. Go to her! None of them listened to me. Why wouldn’t they listen to me? I was perfectly fine! I’ll be alright! I’ll live! But Whytnie won’t.

            I threw up again.

            And I never felt truly alone until that moment.

            I never had the opportunity to apologize. I never even got to say goodbye.