Was it All an Accident? (A Harry Styles Fan Fiction, Book Three)

Part Twenty-Nine: You Know Who I Am, Right?

(Whytnie’s POV)

Morning light came through the small crack in between the floral patterned curtains that seemed to shine bright on my eyes making me wake up immediately. I’m one of those people who can’t sleep with any light on (yeah, weird, I know). So when the light blinds me this morning, I can’t help but groan loudly, despite who’s still asleep next to me, as I turn around to cuddle back into his arms that are still wrapped around me from last night. Sighing, I close my eyes and pretend to sleep knowing that I’ll never get back to sleep until tonight. The sound of his breathing and the rhythm of his heartbeat try to lull me back to sleep, but none of it works. My brain is working too hard now to slow down and sleep. So instead of fighting it, I just let my mind wander as I play with Harry’s hair, wrapping one curl around my finger. He moans and I feel him stir, but he doesn’t wake up.

            I play with more curls, as my mind plays certain scenes over and over. One moment I’m watching the moment when he first asked me out, or started this relationship. Then the next I’m watching him tell me he loves me for the first time. Soon I’m watching him propose to me, me freaking out like the psycho I am while I take Harry’s life away from everything he loves. And soon I’m filled with pain and regret. Not regret about us getting married, because I did that out of love. But regret for taking his life away. My chest tightens as my mind replays our wedding day, and suddenly my chest loosens as a warm tingling feeling takes over. The little “movie” plays and pauses in certain areas, like my dad and I sharing a look as we walk down the aisle, pause, when my eyes meet Harry’s and his face lightens up, pause, our first dance plays out, pause, the moment we finally see the Eiffel Tower, and then his face pops into view and I scream.

            And scream louder.

            And continue screaming.

            His face quickly disappears from view, leaving behind the plain white-creamy ceiling. My eyes blink and slowly adjust to my surroundings. I look over at Harry, whose arms are up in surrender, as I stop screaming.

            “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you,” he was saying, his face shocked and trying to hide how scared he really is. His green eyes were wide and so easy to read. “You were just lying there, with your eyes open. I didn’t know what was happening. At first, I thought you were dead,” he kept rambling on, “and then I felt your heartbeat and knew you were alive. Except I still didn’t know what was happening to you! I didn’t! I double checked to make sure you were breathing, like you would not believe what was going through my head. How scared I was! I thought you were going to die! Do you know how I felt? Of course you don’t! I was so freaked out!

            “I started calling your name,” he continued, “and you didn’t even blink! You weren’t even responding! Your breathing stopped and I kind of flipped out!” He pointed beside him, to where something was broken and shattered. “I started shaking you and you weren’t even moving! So I started panicking and yelling at you! And then all of a sudden you started screaming at me. I don’t know, but I thought you didn’t recognize me or something. You do, don’t you? You know who I am, right?”

            “W-Who are you?” I asked. His whole face fell, and I thought he was going to cry even harder than he already was. I thought this was going to be funny, but it isn’t so funny anymore. I don’t know why I thought that. How stupid of me. “I was just kidding,” I rushed out. My weak jello-y arms didn’t want to lift me up off the bed, but I wasn’t going to give up easily. At least Harry was feeling forgiving today, because he helped me up into a sitting position. Well, just so that he could wrap his arms around me and put his face in the crook of me neck. I felt more than saw his whole body shake against mine as I held him tighter.

            Trying to soothe him with my humming, I figured it wasn’t working because he was still shaking. I decided to talk to him instead, hopefully he wouldn’t be mad when he came out of this little “spell”. “Harry,” I started like I was talking to an invalid, “it’s going to be okay. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or make you mad.” He was still shaking so hard that he couldn’t interrupt me. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Everything is going to be okay, I promise. We’re all going to be okay. I’m fine.” Well, not necessarily. My dosage was up and I quickly needed to get another one in me before too long. “You’re fine. We’re okay. Everything is going to be okay. Trust me, okay?

            “I thought it was going to be funny,” I continued in the same soothing voice, “but I know now that it wasn’t. I know what I did was wrong−”

            And that’s when he finally got his voice back.

            “Wrong?” Now he was yelling. I felt my chest tighten again, shooting pains going in every which way, and goose bumps rise all over me. “It was beyond cruel! You have no idea what I just went through!” His eyes were red, but I couldn’t even breathe right anymore. My insides were crumbling as he continued on. “And then you have the decency to try to play if off?! Play it off! Do you know how scared I was?” Now he was towering over me, and I did nothing but crumble before him. I fell off the bed, hitting the floor hard. I didn’t feel that pain though. All I could feel was the pain inside of me, drowning out everything else.

            And that’s when my world went dark.