The LGBTQ+ Handbook

Helping People, Number Two

Guess who's back, with another predicament! That's right, it's me.

I'm actually really happy with how this is going. I feel all the good vibes and it's great. Alright, time for the real thing.

I'm actually in a similar problem as this lovely human being, so please comment advice. We need it.

Ok- here's my problem...

I am out of the closet as a bisexual and in the closet for being either gender-fluid/transguy. I can't tell, and it's driving me crazy. Any advice on how NOT to let gender identity take over your life? Because I want to be more happy with my friends, but whatever I'm thinking about comes back to my gender. I've been depressed and I just want to figure it out so I can come out and not have it floating around. HEEELLLP MEE!!!! (Also, I have 3 ftm friends, and if I come out I'm afraid my friends will think I'm copying them, when it's actually something I'm feeling inside. And my mom is transphobic and homophobic. Fun) Thanks for letting me talk, although you don't have much choice.
-Aaron

What fun! Absolutely wonderful! Can you see the sarcasm?

Ok, as I am in a similar position in not knowing my gender identity, I can strongly relate. I've already moved passed the "oh my god what am I" phase and just moved to the "I don't really know but I'm sure I'll figure it out soon enough" phase.

All I can say is, just distract yourself. Or you could change your way of thinking entirely, although that's really hard to do.

I see everyone as a person. Oh, look, a person. Hey, that's a little person. That's an old person. And that's that. Gender, race, sexuality, who really cares? It's just describing the person. Everyone is a person. Everything else is just an adjective.

Although that won't help with the friends thing. Hopefully, if they're good friends, they will accept the fact that you are whatever you are, and they won't judge you for "copying". If they do, then they're stupid. Seriously.

How do you even copy something like that? Like, hey, my friend is gay, I'm going to be gay to fit in! No! That's not how it works! But, you can't really control others' reactions. You can only control yourself. Sometimes not even that.

As for your mother, well, that's a whole different story. I'd wait until you move out, personally. Or try to make her more open to LGBTQ+ by hinting, subtly. Make it really subtle, though. Opportunities will probably come up.

That's pretty much all I've got. If you'd like to comment, please do. We are a community based on love, and love is great! Stay fabulous!