HOW TO DEFEND YOURSELF WITH ALLEN AND ALFRED
BADASS COWLICK: Hey, doll~ Wanna learn how to beat some asses? *smirk* I could show you a few ways... A.A, scenario please!
"You're walking alone home after a hard day at work. It's midnight and everything seem scarier than usually. Suddenly someone grabs your hand and spins you around. He wants to rob you. What do you do?"
BADASS COWLICK: STEP ONE: Look into his eyes and-..
AMURRICA: SAY THAT YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!
"But what if he wants to rape you after he hears that?"
AMURRICA: YELL FOR HELP!
BADASS COWLICK: NO YOU FICKING DEEPSHIT! OI, doll, all you have to do is try to remove his eyes!
AMURRICA: YOU'RE CREEPY ALLEN!
BADASS COWLICK: That's not all. YOU have to always carry a weapon with you, even a scissor is a weapon, a rusty knife will do too!
"I like how you think buddie."
BADASS COWLICK: Thank you, doll. STEP TWO: KICK HIM IN THE NUTS IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY WEAPONS AND STEP ONE HAS FAILED YOU! After you have him on the floor(try to trip him if you can if not kick him in the nuts till he falls) you go to STEP THREE AND STOMP ON HIS DICK THEN RUN AWAY!
AMURRICA: Can I at least try to check if he has any food with him?
BADASS COWLICK: That's stealing, little one... But you can do that, you can even steal his money and then buy a burger.
AMURRICA: I WANT TO FIGHT A ROBBER!
THIS WAS 'HOW TO DEFEND YOURSELF WITH ALLEN AND ALFRED'
