Beautiful Disaster; Beautiful Reality.

Hurts...

Hannah's pov 
Days went by like weeks. I didn't go to work. Mika didn't write songs. He didn't play music. He didn't make any kind of noise. He was tiptoeing around me like I was a bomb ready to explode and I hated it. He wasn't being him; he was ordinary.

I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I didn't talk. My world was dead. I felt as though I should have died. I wish I did. I lost the thing Mika wanted most; a son. I doubt he'd ever forgive me for that.

"Do you want any food?" He questioned in a monotone voice. I shook my head slowly.
"Hannah, you've got to eat something." Again, his voice was dull. I shook my head again. He sighed and placed a sandwich in front of me. I pushed it away and watched as Mika walked out the door. I cried and cried until my eyes were red and sore and there were no tears left to shed. I put a note on the sandwich:
'I'm not hungry-x' I went and sat in the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror and thinking: 'why does he love me?'
I didn't notice what I had in my hand or the big cut I had on my arm or the small drops of blood that were forming a puddle on the floor until Mika came in. I don't know how long I was standing there before Mika came in. I didn't realise I locked the door and I didn't hear his shouting and his banging on the door. I only realised it when he came in.

He burst through the door in a panic and stared at me, the blood covered razor in my hand and the cut on my arm. He looked hurt, as if I'd cut him instead of me. He slowly walked over and took the razor from my hand and put it in the bin. He picked up my arm and looked at the cut and pulled me by my arm to the kitchen. He cleaned it up gently with some cold water and a flannel, never saying a word. I stayed quiet too, not even wincing in pain. His big sad eyes met mine and I immediately looked away, not able to keep my eyes on him for the pain it brought to me. He looked away too and bandaged my arm and gently kissed it. He got me a glass of water and said
"Drink." Harshly. I refused but he picked it up and said
"Drink." Again but this time anger was present in his voice. I slowly drank it. He looked at the sandwich from earlier and I just shook my head.
"If you won't eat neither will I." Ouch. That hurt me more. Why couldn't he just get on with his life and leave me?  Was that too hard?

We just sat on the sofa next to each other in silence. No tv, no radio, no laughter. Nothing. He didn't even have his arm around me.
"I'm going out." He said in a dull tone.
"I need some air." Mika just got up and slowly shut the door behind him. I remained in the same position staring at the blank tv for a few minutes. A single tear cascaded down my cheek before others followed and I ran into Mika's bedroom to hide.

I flopped on the bed and cried, hugging his pillow and wrapping myself in the covers. I don't know how long I was there for but I didn't hear the front door open. Or the bedroom door. I just felt him arm wrap around me and him pick my up and place me on his lap. I rested my head on his chest as he stroked my hair. I cried into his chest as he continued to stroke my hair and whispered:
"Ssshhh..." Over and over again. I instantly felt better and started to stop crying.
I looked up at him through red eyes and saw that his eyes had started to go red too. I smiled sympathetically at him and he smiled back. My Mika was coming back.
"It's all going to be ok. We can try again in the future but, for now, your all that I need." He said calmly. He smiled again and another tear escaped his eye.
"And no more crying. I want my Mika back." I said whilst wiping a tear from his cheek. He smiled at me and replied:
"It's a deal." Now for the hard part; sticking to this promise. If Mika can then so can I. I want everything to be alright again. Everything to be like it usually is; bright, happy, cheery, and full of music. Maybe we can have our happy ending...