Bender x Reader - Futurama

Chapter 33: Lady Time (FUNNIEST CHAPTER)

You felt your circuits heat up with embarrassment and anger. And partially fear, because god knows what Bender is doing to your original body.

"None of your concern!" You yelled loudly so he could hear you from the bathroom.

"Actually, one of them isn't a pee hole." Fry yelled. You shot him a vicious oh-no-you-didn't face.

"Shh Fry! Don't give him any ideas!" You shushed him harshly. Amy and Leela were starting to become amused by this encounter.

"Okay, actually... um... I'm not entirely sure on how to use the toilet. Can someone help me?" Bender said loudly, but he was hesitant, so you could tell that a) he wasn't lying and b) he was somewhat embarrassed by the fact that he didn't know how to use the bathroom. You did a massive facepalm.

"Hell no. Figure out it on your own!" You screamed at him, and grabbed a beer. You had never had in such large quantities before, but having no taste-buds made it easier. It made your circuits buzz with excitement. Meanwhile, the Planet Express crew had to hold their mouths to keep from laughing.

You then backtracked.

"Make sure you pull your pants down after you go, not before!" You explained.
"What? Why would I do that?" Bender asked from the bathroom.
"Just shut up and do it!"

30 seconds passed and no sound came from the bathroom. No flush either, so you started to get worried.

You then heard a high-pitched scream.

Oh great, you thought.

"Sorry to bother you, but is blood supposed to come out of the other pee hole?!" Bender cried out, frantic.

At this point, your circuits were way overheating with embarrassment as the Planet Express crew lost it. Leela and Amy were laughing too, but looked apologetically at you. Eyes wide, you sprinted over to the bathroom.

Once you entered the bathroom, you closed the door behind you. Only then did you see the crime scene.

Toilet paper was on the floor, the toilet seat was up, and there was Bender standing in a corner, huddled. He seemed almost afraid.

"What did you do to my pelvic area?!" You screamed at him.

"I didn't do anything! I just tried to go to the bathroom so I pulled my pants down (technically yours) and that's when I found the other pee hole. I then ran out of toilet paper, so while I was scrummaging for some, I realized that there was blood all over the floor and on my underwea-"

You covered the spot where your ears should have been (Bender doesn't have ears) and starting saying "La la la la la" really loudly. "TMI, buddy!" You said after a few seconds.

"Oh right, sorry." Bender said sheepishly. He then went back to his normal form. "What the hell happened here? Was there a murder or something?! Why is there blood all over the floor?! I hate this body, and I hate havin- OW OW OW!" He began to whine, clutching his stomach.

You sighed. The beloved stomach cramps had finally struck him.

"My tummy hurts." Bender whined, clutching his stomach.

"I know it hurts! That's what all girls have to deal with every month! You get stomach cramps, you go to the bathroom a lot. And you get really big mood swings."

"Mood swings? So... is Leela always on her period?" Bender asked, standing up. You smacked him.
"No, doofus. You get it once a month for a week."
"A week?! I'm doomed." Bender moaned.
"You sure are if you keep walking around with your pants down." You grumbled.

Bender blushed bright red. "Oh right. Now what do I do to stop the blood?" He asked plainly, though he still was kinda freaked out.

"You put this in it." You said annoyedly, and held out a tampon. You pulled the cloth out of it.
"This won't hurt. Now stay still." You said, lunging at him.

Bender yelped and jumped backwards.

"I don't want to put that in there! That's scary." Bender said, trembling.
"Wimp. Fine, we're going to have to use a pad then, you overgrown wuss."
"Wh-what's a pad?" Bender asked fearfully.

You sighed and looked through the bathroom cabinet. Sure enough, you found heavy duty pads. You grabbed one and handed it to him.

"Isn't this a little big to fit in there?" Bender mused.
"You don't put it inside! Jeez, Bender. You attach it to your underwear like a band-aid kind of thing."
"Oh, phew." Bender sighed. He then froze. "Wait, I have to do it?"

"Oh for the love of god."

"Can you do it? Please?" Bender asked. "Pleaseeeeeeeeee?"

You facepalmed.

"Fine, you overgrown wuss." You muttered. You did so and cleaned up the bathroom while Bender got used to walking around in it.

"Jeez, hurry up so we can get out of this bloodbath. Erm, no pun intended." You said impatiently.

Bender was walking around like a sumo wrestler, legs spread wide. It was almost as if he was trying to make sure that he barely touched the underwear.

"I don't like it! It feels like a diaper." Bender complained.
"Just man up and wear it."
"But you just gave me a diaper instead of a pad!" Bender argued.
"No, that's what pads look like, moron. Do you want the tampon instead?"

"No please don't!" Bender trembled.

He then walked as best he could out the bathroom. You followed behind and saw the restrained laughter on the people's faces.

It was going to be a long week.