Letters I'll Never Send

Turd-Face

Turd-Face,

You're such a turd, that you don't even get a proper codename. You get an insult. Boom.

What's the story on you? Well, it's gonna sound pretty stupid. But first, let me say that it feels good to be writing letters again. I hadn't written any in awhile because I was paranoid certain people were reading them and also I didn't really have anyone but Edward to write about. So yeah.

But then I met you.

And things have changed.

It started on iFunny. I was scrolling through the Tumblr tag on a normal Tuesday afternoon (as one does) when I came across a selfie of an adorably punk guy in a BMTH shirt. Now, people don't really post selfies on iFunny and I hate when they do...but you were pretty cute so I gave it a "smile" and obviously I commented about how cute you were (as any normal person would). I mean, the thirst was real okay. You were like the hottest guy I'd ever seen.

Anyways, you soon replied saying that I was cute too. You then added "I can't pass this up" and gave me your phone number and soon we were texting. 

God I really liked you. 

Yeah, you lived a couple states up the coast, but DAMN you were great. You were funny, hot, sweet, and you had this adorable hatred for geese that made me smile. Every time I showed my friends one of the many pictures you sent me, they gushed about how perfect you were. 

There were many great things about you.

1) You liked me. Somehow, for some reason, you thought I was just as great as I thought you were. Every other text was a heart emoji or something

2) YOU WERE IN A FREAKING BAND. LIKE HOLY SHIT MAN 

3) You had videos on YouTube of you playing guitar covers and they were FANTASTIC. You're really good at that.

4) When we FaceTimed, your voice was hot as shit and you looked even better than you did in pictures.

5) You were just great okay? You were the most perfect guy. The one I had been looking for all my life. *insert The Hunna lyrics here*

And every time I texted you, i felt my heartbeat go faster *more The Hunna lyrics* and I didn't even think about Edward. How did one random guy from iFunny make me so happy? It's crazy.

Think the story sounds good? Hold on, it gets better.

On Friday, you asked me to be your girlfriend. I know, that's stupid. Dating someone you hadn't even met. But we video chatted and I subscribed to your YouTube channel so I knew you were real. And I just liked you so much. Like the last time I'd felt this strongly about a guy, I'd been with Edward. 

We even made plans to meet. You were traveling to Florida (where you used to live) over the summer and you were going to stop along the way to see me. We talked about how I was going to run into your arms and you were going to pick me up and kiss me like there was no tomorrow. We were gonna cuddle and shower each other with love and kisses. Doesn't that sound fantastic?

Well apparently it wasn't.

Because on Saturday, it all disappeared. We were having a normal conversation, you know? Heart emojis and you sent me a shirtless pic of you and I gushed and you said "its all yours" and then you went to eat dinner and I asked what it was and you said waffles and I said "yum".

And I never heard from you again. 

Ever.

Three hours went by and you hadn't responded. Which, if it were anybody else, I wouldn't really care, you know? I would just figure that you were busy or your phone died or something. But this was you and you never just randomly stopped talking to me. Not once had you gone on an unexplained absence for longer than thirty minutes. If you weren't going to be able to reply, you would tell me.

Which is how I knew something was wrong.

So I went on iFunny to see if you were repubbing stuff (you know, to tell if you were on your phone and just ignoring me) only to find that when I clicked on your profile it said nothing was there.

Now, just hours before there'd been tons of stuff there.

So naturally, I sign out and visit your profile to see what's going on.

It's all there. Every bit of it.

You little punk ass bitch blocked me. The day after you asked me to be your girlfriend. 

Like damn Turd-Face, if you didn't like me anymore you could have just said so! I wouldn't have minded because I'd only known you for like a week anyways (and what a wonderful week it was) but since you decided to just drop off the face of the earth, I'm going to spend the rest of my life wondering what the hell I did wrong.

Because everything was so normal between us, you know? (I know that sounds weird considering it was only a week but we had a strong connection and talked non-stop) And like I'm just so confused because there were no signs or anything.

And it's been like three weeks since you disappeared from me and I'm still not over the anger. Yeah, I'm over you. That only took days to accomplish. But I'm still pissed as hell.

You think  you can walk into my life, screw with my head, and then walk out without a trace???? And me not even care? Nah brah. I'm a crazy bitch.  Crazy being underlined, bolded, and italicized.

I hate you. You're such a turd. If only you were just honest with me man it wouldn't have been such a big deal. 

-Emily

(P.S. if you reallllyyy want to see what this hottie looks like, tell me so I can link his channel.)