Letters I'll Never Send

Savvy/Sarah(p2)

Savvy/Sarah,

I hate you. I'm sorry, but I do. I always have.

But, I love you. It's true. I love you. You were my first official friend in this state, how could I not love you?

I do hate you, though. I want to punch you in your face (though, I never would because I could never hurt one of God's beautiful creations).

What set off these emotions that I've been trying to hold is what happened yesterday.

You went to the fair.

Without me.

We ALWAYS go to the fair together! ALWAYS. EVERY YEAR since I moved here we have gone together. And this year, you didn't even TELL me you were going.

I had to see you with Agatha and Terrand. You know every year I go once with my family and then once with you.

Why didn't you tell me you were going? We could have been Semily. Like always.

But no. You think you're better than me. I know you do. Because you call me fat and say that the way I look makes you feel good about yourself. Then, you complain about being fat (even though you are a twig) and make me feel like a potato.

Why do I crave to be accepted by you? Why do I care so much?

Is it because Edward is your brother? Or because you were my first real friend?

I don't know, but I'm done.

I'm just done.

What's funny is, I told my friend today about what happened with you. You know what she said?

"Why is everybody ditching you?"

...I don't know. I wish I knew. Why are you ditching me, Sarah? What did I do to you? Why have you replaced me?

What do I keep doing to everyone?

Why doesn't anyone want to keep me?

You, out of all people, should know what it feels like to be ditched, Considering I'm the only person who has experienced it more than you. So, tell me, why have you turned around and done it to me?

What did I ever do to you?

What is wrong with me?

Is it my language? My actions?

Seriously, someone tell me what it is about me that repulses people. Please.

I'm tired of losing my best friends. It's killing me.

Literally.

-Emily