Letters I'll Never Send

Kitchen Counter (real person strange nickname)

Dear Kitchen Counter,

The story starts when it was hot and it was summer and I had it all I had him right where I wanted him. She came along got him alone and let's hear the applause. She took him faster than you can say sabotage.

Lol no, but for real though, it starts in 7th grade.
You were the quiet, emo, mysterious boy that I sat next to and knew nothing about. I always wanted to talk to you. You just looked so sad! I wanted to be with you. I wanted to be the one to help you. I wanted to be the one to love you.

Well, one day, all my prayers were answered when you threw a note on my desk.
"You look sad. :( what's wrong?"
I laughed at the irony.
I wrote back "some stupid people pickin on me. It's cool tho"
A few minutes later, I received a reply. "Please smile. I like it when you smile :)"
So I did.
And so our playful, flirty friendship began.

You were in love with me. I knew this. You were a boy with problems. I knew this. You had a girlfriend. I knew this.

You were so cute though! And so sweet and flirty! You always texted me things like "I miss your beautiful smile" and "why are you so perfect?"

Three years later and you still do.
Except now, you're single so I reply the same way. I think I like you. I really think I do. You are just so...sweet. Likable. Adorable. Cute.
But you're 17.
But I haven't seen you since you dropped out about two years ago.

But you still love me.

But you are close friends with an evil poison called "alcohol." I know this because you drunk text and call me all. The. Time.

Never mind that though. All in all, you're just perfect. And you make me feel good again. After devastation and heartbreak and depression, you manage to bring a smile to my face 100% of the time. I don't even have to be talking to you to smile! Just thinking about you makes me happy.

I dreamt about you last night. I saw you at a store (this is a common dream I have) and I dropped everything and ran to hug you. You picked me up and spin me around a bunch of times. I woke up with the biggest freaking smile.

But you're doing that thing Tyler did. You're not replying to me. You've stopped talking to me like you used to.
I texted you this morning and haven't heard a thing from you. That sounds like an over attached girl thing, but you don't understand. It starts with not replying.
It ends with you never speaking to me again.
It's happened many times before.

Please answer me Kitchen Counter (oh btw I call you that because of your funny last name).

I hope you aren't talking to other girls like you talk to me. I hope you aren't asking other girls on dates when you said you are in love with me.
I would just die. You make me feel special. Like really special. I don't know what I would do if I found out that I'm not.
I'd probably die.

I never actually told you (ya I did), but I like you. Like a lot. Like if I had to choose between kissing you and kissing Jordan Witzigreuter, I'd pick you.
Yeah.

-Emily