Letters I'll Never Send

Eric

Dear Eric,

I remember the first time I saw you. You were marvelous! You had on this cute beenie and you were just smiling. I remember feeling this.. rush. I didn't know what it was, but I knew it was important! I didn't even know your NAME, but I felt like I had known you my whole life.

All throughout that night at youth, I kept stealing looks at the boys group just to see you're beautiful face.

I know you think that I'm a stalker and that I'm weird and stuff because of how crazy I am. I hate that about me, but I can't control myself when I'm around you. You make me just act like a total moron!!

Maybe it's because you are insanely beautiful, or maybe it's because of your dazzling personality, but all I know is I'm totally and completely in love with you. Whenever I go to your house to see your sister I pray to God that you are there and that I may get a glimpse of you. Every night I pray that someday you will see beyond my annoying, crazy, loud mask and realize that I'm the girl you want to be with.

Whenever I'm doing dishes or cleaning anything, I fantasize about you kissing me. I even come up with a whole movie about us!

My favorite scenario to think about is the one where I go over to your house to babysit your sister while you have band practice and your parents are out with Lucy-Grace at some school event and band practice ends early so you come home. When you get home, Cathryn is asleep on the couch so I'm just sitting watching TV. That's when you come in teary eyed and looking very upset (and very adorable). I ask you what's wrong and you take me out to the back porch (but we can still see inside where Cathryn is sleeping) to talk to me. You tell me that you weren't really at band practice but sitting at the park in your car having a mental break down. You tell me that you don't know how you can go on living and you show me your scars (even though in real life I'm pretty sure you aren't even remotely depressed) on your wrists. I go on to tell you how amazing and beautiful I think you are and that I couldn't live without you. That's when it starts to rain and you realize that you love me too, so you kiss me.

I know it's a little weird, but I can't help but think about this! I love you Eric. I really freaking love you. I wish I didn't because then I wouldn't hurt so bad. I know you don't love me and you never will. Heck, you only even see me once a month!

It kills me, Eric. It really freaking does. It hurt the most when I was dating Tyler and I KNEW I was in love with you but refused to acknowledge it. Only Jasmine and I knew that I still loved you while I was dating Tyler.

I know that's kind of a cruel thing to do-date someone when you know you love someone else- but tbh he kind of deserved it. Tyler turned out to be a huge butt (but that's a letter for anther day)

Ok this is getting rather long. Again, I love you. I really really REALLY love you.

I hope you love me one day.

-Emily