Letters I'll Never Send

Again with the Kitchen Counter

KC,

You got married today.
To her.
The girl you picked over me.
I saw it on her sister's snapchat story. I knew that you guys were engaged, but I didn't ever think you would actually go through with it.
And honestly, I'm not quite sure I'm okay.

I saw a picture of you. Your hair was short and you had gained weight. It seemed that you had well grown-out of your "emo phase" and that you obviously had gotten a lot better mentally. You looked so happy as you put the cake in her face.

I never expected you to come back to me. I know that even if you had, I wouldn't have taken you.
But I always hoped that I'd at least get to talk to you about it. That you'd finally understand what I felt and that what you did to me was wrong. And maybe I still can talk to you, but it's different now.
You're not thinking about me.
And yet, I'm still thinking about you.

I don't still love you, so please don't take this that way. I don't love anyone right now. Maybe I love Edward,
I don't know.

But this is all still upsetting.

You were my best friend at one point. I would have bet my life on the fact that you loved me.
And I loved you too.
You may have threatened to strangle me with my shoelaces...and made fun of my "chipmunk teeth" (an actual quote)
But God I loved you.
And it's all I can think about right now.

You did so much for me. You were my everything. And I can't talk to anyone about this because the one best friend I thought I had left me.
Yeah, Best Friend finally gave up on me about a month ago. I haven't written about it because it honestly hurts me too much to think about.
God I'm so torn apart over her and she pissed me off so much when she said she didn't care about me
But all I want to do is tell her about this. Is to be comforted by her. Is for her to give me a hug and look me in the eyes and remind me that she loves me and she'll always be there for me.
But I can't. Because she doesn't and she won't be.
And I guess maybe what's most upsetting about all of this
Is that I have to keep it to myself.
Because no one else would care.

-Emily