Letters I'll Never Send

Best Friend

Best Friend,

Are we falling down the same hole all my other friendships have?

I feel like something is going to happen soon, and I'm not going to like it.

You're my best friend in the whole world. I would do absolutely anything for you. But I just have this feeling that things are going downhill and I'm not sure why or how to stop it.

I usually don't get jealous when it comes to you, because I know that you'll pick me over anybody. Because I've only known you for a year, but we are friendship Soulmates. Of course you're allowed to have other friends and of course you're allowed to have interest in boys. None of this has hurt me in the past.
But at the beginning of this year...things started to feel different. All you ever talk about is José now. He takes up all your attention and some of your time that used to belong to me in the morning. And then there's this other girl who you've been friends with since last year when she was new, but now she's always with you. And you guys get along so well. And you have inside jokes. And I can feel the #friendgoals radiating off of you guys like it used to off of us.

And God this doesn't feel right.

I had this feeling right before I lost Jasmine. Right before I lost Jaggle. Hell, even before I lost Rachel!

And I would ignore it if it weren't for the fact that you didn't wait for me today after school like you always do. Why didn't you wait for me?
I rounded the corner we usually meet at, excited to tell you about how Edward and I made eye-contact. Only to see you're bright ginger hair bobbing in and out of view as you walked outside.
I tried to catch up, but I couldn't. There were too many people.

Your new friend was out there with some guy, so I knew you weren't with her. Did you leave me for José, or because you're finally tired of me?

My brother says that you probably just forgot.
But I never forget to meet you. And you've never forgotten before. And if you really wanted to see me, wouldn't you remember?

Best Friend, I really love you. You're my platonic soulmate. I knew it the second I spoke to you. And when we went to the fair last October and you turned to me in the car on the drive home and told me that I was your best friend...it was like Eric had finally declared his undying love for me.

We've done so many things together. Gotten in so much trouble together. Every crazy story I have to tell, you were right there by my side making it.

Please don't tell me it was all for nothing. Please don't be like the others.

Best Friend, I love you. I really do. And I'm so scared that when your mom won't let you come to church with me anymore or hang out with me anymore, it's because you told her to say no.

I don't want to live without you, Best Friend.

Please tell me that you didn't meet me because something super important happened and you didn't have time. Please.

-Emily