Letters I'll Never Send

Jasmine

Look, you are slowly starting to hate me. I know because I'm not stupid.

It tears me apart because we used to be the best of friends and I thought we always will be.

But now?

You don't reply to me. When I tell you things, you don't seem to care. You don't talk to me. When I try to talk to you, you ignore me. And on top of that, you went back to your old clique. The one that broke every part of you. Remember? Remember how they hurt you? And I was there to pick up the pieces and make you feel happy? I did everything I could to put a smile on your face.

And yet, you just walked away.

Now that I think about it, I don't think you've ever really cared for me. You did make me promise to be better a few years ago, but other than that... Nothing.

The worst part is that I can feel this friendship go south and there's nothing I can do to save it. I've tried talking to you about it. I've tried to be like I used to. I've tried to talk to you more.

And nothing.

It's because you don't care anymore. At this point, only you can fix it.

Just, tell me why. Am I not cool enough for you? Popular enough? Too vulgar? Is it because I came out as pansexual and you got freaked and starting thinking I liked you? (Honey you're attractive, but you ain't my type. Don't flatter yourself.)

What did I do? Did I change too much? Did I say something that upset you?

I'm sorry You. I'm so so so sorry for whatever I did. I just want things to be normal between us again. I want it to go back to the way it was in middle school when you always talked to me and we joked and laughed and passed notes.

And now I'm crying because I realize how much you don't care anymore. Yes, I'm literally crying. There are literally tears running down my cheeks because I know that we will never be like that again.

I love you. I love you so much. Can't you see that? You were my best friend. You were there for me when no one else was. You always made me happy and I never wanted things to end up like this.

I should have known. All my friendships end up like this.

I'm sorry, but I'm still mad about how you ditched us for THEM again. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT? They broke your heart! They betrayed you and lied to your face! We sat here and texted you every night to make you feel better. Or I did at least. Because I care about you the most. You don't even know. You don't know how it all upsets me.

It's like I'm losing a piece of my heart. You never knew how much you meant to me because I never told you.

I mean, we've never been in a fight. Ever. You've pretty much been here since I first moved here. Never once have I felt annoyed with you or anything.

You know you're the only person that's happened with? And yet you still walk out of my life like I mean nothing to you.

Do you not remember all our pointless notes? All our drawings? I have them all. And it hurts so much because you don't do those with me anymore.

You do them with Jaggle. I bet you do them for the other clique.

But me? No. It's like "let's forget all about Emily who has done nothing but care for me and try to be my friend."

And you know what hurts the most? The fact that I can't even bring myself to be mad at you. I'm not angry with you or anything.

Because I understand.

Because this always happens.

I'm just sad because I thought you were different.

I love you so much. I have all our messages and I like to look through them because you are the funniest person I know.

Yet, you left me. For them. What do they have that I don't? All they are are fakes. Everyone knows it. You know it. Don't you remember? Last year?

I know you do.

And yet, you went back.

Why? What could possible posses you to do something so stupid when I've been right here the whole time?

When you were depressed, I was there.

When you wanted to cut, I was there.

When they hurt you, I was there.

I have always been there.

.

.

.

Why did you leave me?

Please. Come back. I miss you.

-Emily.