Letters I'll Never Send

Ross

Dear Ross,

This one is extra hard to write because there is just so much to type and I don't know how to put it all down in words.

I knew you were something special the minute I saw you on the swing.

We were at the church, waiting for dance/acting practice, playing on the playground. I asked you your name and how old you were. You were a year older than me! I could have sworn you were a 6th grader, but you were an 8th grader. I asked you what school you went to and when i found out you went to a school my friend used to go to, I made you tell her ex that she liked him again (I know how rude of me!)

You said you would, but every time i saw you after that i would ask if you told him and you would say you forgot (and 2 years later you STILL haven't told him. )

That was the start of our friendship.

You were so funny! You had so many stories about how you always were getting injured. You were (and still are) such a klutz. I don't think there was a time that i've known you where you weren't hurt in some way.

You were kinda cute too. It's weird to think about now, after all that happened with you, Rachel, and me, but you were totally cute. Except, you know, I was the only one who thought so.

I can pinpoint the moment that I knew we were best friends. It was that day we went out to lunch with your family, my family, and Trish's family. We kept on playing and joking around and messing with each other. I remember thinking "I have more than 2 friends now" that day.

Then came the retreat. I remember you stepping out of your mom's car and every girl's jaw DROPPED! You had gotten your cast removed from your arm, you got braces (the things on your teeth idk how to spell it) and contacts. Goodness you looked amazing. That is when Rachel and I both realized we had crushes on you.

That was a great youth retreat though! We really got close and I sort of figured out that we liked each other...

Other than that though I realized that you were the coolest person ever!

Nick chased us around the retreat center trying to get us to admit we like each other. You kept on saying things like "Nick shut up! I hate you!" It was hilarious.

That was the last time for awhile that everything was great between us.

The next day after the retreat we had our church show. Rachel and I were dancers and you were an actor. After the show there was an after party and OF COURSE we went to it!

After receiving your food you came down and sat next to me when there was an open space next to Rachel. She didn't like that.

Rachel, knowing that she was friends with Julianna (your god-sister and other best friend) and I was not, went up to Julianna and told her that she liked you. Rachel knew Julie would go and get you to admit you liked Rachel. That is where everything went downhill.

Julie pulled you away and asked if you liked me or Rachel. You said you sort of liked both of us. Julie reported that back to Rachel who was now furious with me. She HAD to have you! Rache sent Julie to ask you if you wanted to date her. You were kind of confused, but of course you said yes.

When Julie came and told me this, I ran to the bathroom crying. My best friend was dating my crush. There was no worse feeling. Later that night you figured out why I was mad at you and her and you felt terrible. You realized you made a bad decision.

Now let's flash forward a couple of weeks to the Relay for Life event:

We walked around the relay for life track thingy about a billion times. We talked about everything-you, me, Rachel (whom you were still dating at the time) and our feelings for each other. I told you that I really did like you and you told me that you really did like me, but you felt like you were cheating just saying that. We talked about the fight Rachel had started with me when she got upset over the fact that you were over at my house (we were best friends, our parents were best friends, our brothers were best friends, OF COURSE you were at my house!) You told me how you really did think she was a bit dramatic. I don't remember much else of that night, but I do remember our mother's giving us money to buy wristbands for the bounce house.