A Different Way[Louis Tomlinson]

Chapter Fourteen

I fall to the ground, crying. The light still shines out on the porch through the open door. I sit on my knees on the ground forever, crying. Why would Luke tell Louis that? The one thing that Luke told me he'd never tell anyone. God I really hate him right now. It keeps getting darker outside, and there's no way I'm staying out there, but there's no way I'm going inside with Louis...

I walk back up to the porch, wiping my eyes. The door still hangs open, and the tv screen is still displaying Louis' victory. The room is frozen the way it was when I left it, except Louis isn't standing by the chair anymore. I close the door and I make my way to the kitchen. He's not there. The main floor bedroom, not there. Bathroom, not there. Up the stairs I go. The light shines under Louis' closed door. I hear music playing, and I recognise the song. Miserable At Best by Mayday Parade. I reach to knock on the door, but it falls open when my knuckles hit the wood. Louis' sitting at a desk in the corner, his laptop open in front of him. His head is hung in his hands, and I can tell he's crying.

"Louis..." I say quietly. He doesn't hear. I walk silently and slowly over to him. I'm reaching out to him, but I stop three feet away, reading what's on his screen. It's a Twitter page, and their tweets are all about me. It talks about my disorder, and how much they hate me. I must make some noise, because Louis whips around in the chair.

"Amber!" He cry's, franticly closing the laptop. I fall to the floor and he comes to sit next to me.

"How'd they know?" I cry.

"I have no idea... I swear I didn't say anything... Amber you believe me when I say that, don't you?" He cry's next to me.

"I believe you..." I cry into him.

"Amber I am so sorry... I don't know how this happened... I honestly don't know..."

"Louis... I know. And it's okay." I wipe my eyes, and shakily stand up. He falls back down into the desks' chair, and I slowly hop up onto the desk in front of him. I set my bare feet oh his knees, and wrap my fingers around the edge of the wood desk. I sniffle, and look up at Louis.

"Smile while you can, Amber... It gets so much harder..." He whispers. I can't help but laugh a little.

"I think I know how that feels..."

"No, it gets so much worse. It hurts to smile sometimes... So much that even just faking it hurts." He leans forward, so his face is inches from mine. His eyes glisten and his jaw clenches repeatedly.

"Amber, I'm sorry this happened to you, again. But please... Don't stop smiling anytime soon." He stares into my eyes. My phone rings in my pocket, and Louis leans back into the chair, turning to face the dark window. I pull out my phone, CallerID:Marlene.

"Hel.."

"Amber I'm so sorry! I am so sorry I am, I am, you know I would never do anything to hurt you again I'm sorry please forgive me!" Marlene cry's into the phone.

"Did you tell them...?" My voice is weak.

"It was Stephanie... She told them... But I told her back in seventh grade... It's my fault, it's my fault! I'm sorry Amber!"

"Marlene it's okay... They were bound to find out anyways..."

"They hate you! The fans! They have no respect for you anymore... They don't even care that you tried to kill yourself... They don't care, Amber! They don't give a damn they just wanna see you suffer and do it again!"

"Marlene..."

"I'm serious! They think you're lying they don't believe us... Some of them are saying to do it again that nobody cared then why would anyone care..."

"Marlene stop!" I scream, tears running down my cheeks, dripping from my chin.

"Amber... I'm sorry... Please..." I hang up on her, and Louis pulls me down into his arms. I curl up against him, resting my head against his chest. We sit there crying.

"I hate this world so much... Everyones a liar and cheat and a scam... They want it all... They don't care about anyone else... Why is it like that Louis?" I sob into his shoulder.

"I don't know Amber... I don't know."

We sat there crying for two hours before we both finally calmed down. Louis wanted me to come lay down with him, but I refused and told him I wanted to be alone. He protested, and I protested his protesting. But eventually he gave in and I made my way down to the main bedroom. I sat under the stars quote, looking at tweets related to me for a while. Every once in a while I could find a good one, but they were mainly bad ones.

"Whats wrong with her?!" I keep scrolling. Tears fall.

"The little bitch deserves the hate." More tears, more scrolling.

"Why the hell do I care about the little slut?" Keep scrolling, more tears.

"She doesn't deserve Louis. SLUT." Scrolling. Tears.

"I wish she had succeeded in killing herself the first time" Stop, hold in the scream, reply:

"So do I." Keep scrolling.

"What a slut." Scrolling. Wipe the tears.

"Try killing yourself again and see if anyone cares." Pause the scrolling. Let the waterfall spring loose. Think about it. Finally write new tweet:

"Maybe I will try to kill myself again. Maybe I will. Yeah I will. Tonight sounds like a good time doesn't it? Right here right now. Goodbye, world." Don't send the tweet right away. Sit there and reread it a hundred times. Click tweet. Shut down computer. Get the blades. One cut, three cuts, seven cuts. Seven turns into ten, ten turns into thirteen. Welcome the pain. Cry out one last time. Watch the blood flow, as your gaze goes hazy. Finally feel alive when the lights blink out.