A Different Way[Louis Tomlinson]

Chapter Fourty-Three

We cancelled the next two shows. The first one, so that we can cope with the loss of someone we hated. The second one, for her already-planned funeral. It just so happened her family wanted it to be the day before my birthday. Yay...

We spent the rest of the day after her death like zombies. We stayed in our hotel rooms all day, meandering around carelessly. I avoided the window at all costs. I pretty much stayed curled up in a ball on the bed while Louis paced around the room. Around 2 o'clock, I couldn't stand it anymore.

"Stop pacing before you fall through the floor." I say, staring at the wall a head of me.

"Oh and what have you accomplished on this wonderful day?" He questions, adding emphasis to 'wonderful'.

"I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who can stare at a wall for four hours straight." Haha at least I try to be funny. Louis comes over to the bed and falls next to me. His face is inches from mine, blocking the wall I was staring at.

He wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer. I curl up against him, resting my head on his shoulder and tangling our legs together. His fingers run through my long auburn hair, his other hand gripping my hip tightly. I stare blankly across his chest at the wall, to tired to fall asleep.

"Amber..." Louis' voice is merely a whisper, broken. I tilt my head up, to catch him silently crying.

"Louis... It's okay..." I reach up, tracing his jawline with my fingertips.

He wraps his arms around me, sitting up. He pulls me into his lap, our legs still tangled together. I press my forehead against his cheek, feeling the tears still on his skin.

"I can't believe this happened..." He whispers, tangling his fingers through my hair.

"I know... It's hard to believe." I say, watching his chest rise and fall unevenly. He doesn't reply, and don't say anything back, I just let him calm down.

"I'm just so glad it wasn't you... And I know that sounds so horrible and morbid... But I'm glad it wasn't you they had found, I can't take the thought of you laying back in that hospital bed again." His arms tighten themselves around me, and he turns his head to place a shaky kiss on my forehead.

Before I know it, my eyes are overflowing with tears, landing in little splotches over his shirt.

"I'm sorry..." My voice cracks, and more tears shudder their way down my face.

"She always was the jealous type..." He sighs, pulling his head away from mine.

I look up at him, and see that he's staring out the window.

****

I wake up tangled in his arms, his fingers laced tightly around mine. The sunlight from the window shines all around us, bouncing off his tan skin and his hair.

I stare at him, closed eyes fluttering inches from mine. A small smile stretches across my face when he blinks, scrunching up his nose.

"Amber." He smiles. I laugh at his deep, raspy morning voice, burying my head in his shoulder. He pulls me up on top of him, our hands still linked together.

"Hmm. You're so warm." I laugh, burying my head in his bare chest. He chuckles, running circles on the back of my hand.

"Amber, Louis?" Someone knocks on the door. I roll my head to the side, and sigh.

"Yeah?" I yell back.

"Charles says we have to get ready for the... You know... And also Amber... Her parents want you and Louis to speak..." Cali calls back, stuttering. I turn my head back towards Louis', my eyes wide. They want us to speak?

"Come on, we better get ready then." He huffs, pushing me off him and rolling off the bed. I watch as he walks away and into the bathroom. I sigh and sit up. The sunlight beats down on me through the window, threatening to blind me.

I dig through my bags, looking for something decent enough to wear to a funeral. Nothing. Louis comes out of the bathroom in his dress pants, his hair slightly wet.

"What if I can't find anything to wear..." I huff, looking around at all the clothes I've tossed around on the floor.

"I'm sure you can get a dress from Bree or Courtney." He says, coming to look over my shoulder.

"Yeah... I'll call Bree and tell her to bring me something."

I stuff everything precariously back into the bags, and proceed to call Bree.

She shows up ten minutes later with a black dress and black boots. The mermaid dress feels too happy for the occasion but I have nothing else to wear. I pull a jacket on to cover my bare arms, as we'll be standing outside for the service. The boots come up just past my ankle, with fancy buckles and ruffles. This seems so wrong.

Marlene comes to my rescue, and curls my hair, pinning my bangs behind ears. She gives me a tight smile through the mirror as she finishes, and I nod back. She takes my hands in hers and squeezes, before walking back to her room.

I find Louis standing at the window, watching the cars outside. His hands are in his pockets and his head hangs ever so slightly.

I slowly walk over to him, and lean my head against his shoulder. I feel the feather-light kiss to the top of my head before he takes my hand in his.

"Let's go."

****

There is surprisingly no wind or rain, but the dark clouds hang deathly close on the horizon. Louis' hand is latched to mine the whole drive to the church were her funeral is taking place.

Her parents had flown in right away when they heard the news, most of her family trailing close behind. They didn't want to wait for her body to arrive in England for a funeral, they wanted it right away. So now, we all stand in the unbearably small room, her closed casket perched atop the steps behind her trembling mother at the podium.

Louis and I had talked about speeches the whole way over. We both had quickly jotted down notes on paper as we talked. I wasn't ready to speak about her, I barely knew her.

Louis was the last to speak. They would probably want me to talk before him. So, while everyone else spoke, I clung to Louis' hand, glancing nervously around the room. Marlene and Cali smile curtly at me when I catch their glossy eyes. Harry, seated next to Louis, fiddles with his fingers nervously, and Niall and Zayn stare silently ahead. Luke and Liam whisper quietly to each other, glancing at me every once and a while. That just makes me even more nervous. Louis' had tightens around mine when yet another person steps off the stage.

"We have one more person to speak before we head to the cemetery." The old pastor wheezes into the mic, and then he nods to me. I turn to Louis, and he smiles.

A fake one, I should say.

THIS SUCKS

but no ones reading anyways so

sigh.

6.20.14