"Hello?" Pt. 1

February 3rd, 2016

"So, if you were married to a billionaire and you got divorced after five years, how much of his wealth do you think you're entitled to?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"I think it's grotesque to marry for money. Or to divorce for money."

"You're in the minority."

"I am?"

"Last year, I had a client whose wife filed for a divorce after seven months and she demanded thirty-eight million pounds from him."

"Thirty-eight million? What the... thirty-eight million?"

"I had Evelyn do some maths work and it turns out that thirty-eight million from seven months equates to almost five and a half million pounds a month for the duration of the marriage."

"Gross. Out of interest, did she succeed?"

"In getting thirty-eight million? No. She settled for seven million."

"That's still a million pounds a month, though."

"I advised my client to settle at five but he was feeling generous."

"Still, that's a hell of a lot of money!"

"Well, that's the thing. The wife of my current client wants everything."

"Everything?"

"Everything. The house, the stables, the cars, the private island, the football club... the only thing she didn't demand, oddly enough, were the children."

"To be fair, I'd probably prefer to get the private island over the kids, too."

"Really?" 

"Well, I'm not the maternal kind, so yeah. Private island over kids."

"Your priorities are messed up."

"You know what's messed up?"

"What?"

"Yoga. Apparently, lying on the floor, legs together, arms at your side is considered a yoga pose. Lying down is a yoga pose! If I knew yoga was this easy, I'd have taken it up years ago."

"Haha, you... you're... haha. You're doing yoga?"

"It's not that funny,  Daniel."

"Oh, it is that funny. Why the hell did you take up yoga?"

"Because you told me to!"

"When did I say that?"

"Yesterday. You said about yoga, meditation, and something else that I can't remember."

"Ah, so that explains the noise."

"What noise?"

"The cats being strangled."

"It's whale music, you idiot. I'm yogaing and listening to whales."

"Could have fooled me. By the way, yogaing is not a word."

"Whatever. Yoga's not so bad. Meditation is not so bad. So, you want to hear something that I hardly ever tell people?"

"Ok, wow me with it."

"You. Were. Right. Thank. You."

"You almost sounded sincere."

"Ha bloody ha. I just complimented you and you make a joke of it. Well, listen here, mister, that is the first and last time I'm ever nice to you!"