"Hello?" Pt. 1

February 17th, 2015

Everyone remember what Danphie's emergency code word is? Also- 'Cuppa' is a British word for a cup of tea. Not sure if it's used elsewhere in the world. Sarah xx

~*~*~

"Galeanthropy!"

"What?"

"Galeanthropy!"

"Shit! Where are you? What happened? I'm grabbing my keys right now!"

"I'm at home. There's a huge, HUGE, spider on my bed!"

"Whoa, wait. Spider? You're using our emergency code word because of a spider?"

"Obviously! It's bloody massive, Daniel! Come kill it!"

"You want me to come over and kill a spider for you?"

"Yes! Get over here. NOW!"

"Haha!"

"It's not funny, Daniel. It's serious. You should see the size of it."

"Sophie, just grab the hoover and hoover it up."

"Ew, no! I'm not going anywhere near it."

"Why not?"

"Because it's a spider. I feel like your hearing me but you're not really listening to what I'm saying. Spider. S-P-I-D-E-R."

"I hear you. It's a spider. It won't kill you."

"How do you know? It could be a Black Widow or something."

"This is London, Sophie, not the Australian outback. It's not a Black Widow."

"What about a False Black Widow? We have those over here."

"It's probably just a regular spider, Soph. Grab a shoe and squash it."

"Daniel! You're aggravating me, now. It's a huge arachnid and it was staring at me. Staring at me!"

"You're being over-"

"Don't say dramatic. Do not call me over dramatic."

"You're being overly sensitive about the whole thing."

"Overly sensitive? I'm sitting out on my doorstep, in the middle of February, in a shorts and t-shirt pyjama set with no socks and no hoodie. I am literally freezing my arse off all because of a fucking spider! I don't think I am being overly anything."

"Calm your tits, Sophie."

"Excuse me?"

"I said, calm down."

"That is not what you said!"

"Same meaning, though."

"Please, come and kill the spider, Daniel."

"Sophie?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm in the car. I'm on my way."

"You are?"

"Yes, I am."

"But... thank you!"

"Yeah, yeah, you're welcome. You better have the kettle boiled by the time I get there. If I'm coming over just shy of midnight to kill a spider for you, I want a cup of tea out of it."

"That means I have to go back inside, though."

"The spider is in your bedroom, Sophie. Not the kitchen."

"It may have brought some friends."

"I can easily turn the car around and go back to my amazing big bed, you know. I'm even prepared to do an illegal U-turn."

"If I die, I'm haunting your arse for eternity."

"I don't doubt that, but you're not going to die."

"Fine. So, where did you find a driver at such short notice? Or are you in a cab?"

"I'm driving."

"I'm sorry, I think I misheard you. You said you're driving."

"No, you heard me right. I am driving."

"You hate driving. That's why you have a driver."

"That may be so, but I know how to drive and I have a car, so it's not entirely implausible that I'm behind the wheel of an automotive vehicle. Before you give me that lecture about driving and talking on the phone again, you're coming over the Bluetooth system in the car."

"You're driving? For me?"

"My other option was to let the spider kill you and I'm not too thrilled about the idea of a ghost you stalking me for eternity. So, yes, Sophie, I am driving for you. Plus, you used our emergency word and I said I'd be there if you ever used it. No more broken promises, remember?"

"Well, now I feel like a bitch for being so mean to you."

"Good, you should feel bad."

"What tea do you want?"

"What do you have?"

"Everything."

"Ashwaganda?"

"One Ashwaganda tea coming right up."

"No sugar and no milk."

"Ew, who puts milk in Ashwaganda tea? That's just sacrilege. And no sugar because you're sweet enough as it is, right?"

"You tell me."

"Earl of Castleton, I think you're flirting with me."

"No, Miss Delaney, I am not. If I were flirting with you, you'd know it."

"Oh, the Lord has some moves, does he?"

"Haha, no. I'm just terrible at flirting so I make it pretty obvious what I'm doing."

"How does that work out for you?"

"Not well."

"I'll have Hugo give you some flirting tips while we're in Paris. The French girls will just love you."

"What's not to love?"

"Exactly."

"Miss Delaney, I think you are flirting with me."

"Nope. If I were flirting with you... Actually, I don't flirt. I just make my move and make it clear what my intentions are."

"Oh, really?"

"Yep. Gotta be proactive in the dating scene. Anyway, if I see a guy I want, I'm going to make damned sure no one else gets to them first."

"I bet you devour them too, like a Praying Mantis."

"Yes, because I'm a sexual cannibal."

"Makes sense."

"Consider your words wisely, Daniel, because I'm holding your precious tea in my hand. I could easily pour it down the drain."

"Consider your words wisely, Sophie, because I'm just about to ring your doorbell. I could easily walk back to my car and drive home."

"You're here? Yes! Finally! Stay where you are, I'll bring the tea with me."

"Great!"

"You're here!"

"Galeanthropy, remember? Now, point me in the direction of this eight-legged freak. Nice cuppa, by the way."