"Hello?" Pt. 1

February 12th, 2016

"Are you still angry with me?"

"I'm not angry."

"Sophie, come on, be serious."

"I'm am. I'm not angry."

"This sounds like a trap."

"Not a trap."

"You're being very cordial."

"What can I say? I'm a nice person."

"Haha."

"..."

"Oh, you weren't joking just then, we're you?"

"Daniel? Quit while you're ahead."

"Good advice. Look, Sophie, I feel like I need to explain-"

"You don't owe me anything, least of all an explanation. You and Rachel are two adults and if you want to go on a date, then go. Enjoy."

"..."

"Honestly, Daniel, go. You could do a lot worse than Rachel."

"Who are you? What did you do with Sophie? I want my friend back!"

"You may kid around, Whitaker, but I'm as serious as a heart attack. See, Hugo and I were talking-"

"About me?"

"Well, it was about me but you're a part of my life, so by default, we may have talked about you. Not the point, though. I was telling Hugo about your date with Rachel and he accused me of being jealous-"

"Are you? Jealous, that is."

"No. Well, maybe, but not in the conventional way. I mean, I'm not jealous because I'm in love with you or whatever. I'm just possessive of what's mine. And your friendship is mine, so excuse me if I'm a little territorial about it."

"I don't understand what you are saying."

"Yesterday, I wasn't angry about you having a date with Rachel. I was annoyed that you had used my birthday as some sort of dating service."

"I still don't get it."

"Would you like me to say it in plain English?"

"Yes, please."

"Don't let your date with my interning assistant come between our friendship."

"I wouldn't."

"Most of my friends were guys but as soon as they all got steady girlfriends they started to distance themselves from me because I was a girl. Their girlfriends insisted that we stop being mates because they all saw me as some threat. Which is stupid. Boys and girls can be friends without sex getting in the way. Look, if I had wanted to sleep with any of those girls' boyfriends, I would have done it long before they got in the picture."

"I think I'm following, but if I may interject for a second- I wasn't in my right mind when I asked, or agreed, to go out with Rachel. She's 21, or something. She's too young for me and I wouldn't date her seriously. You know, boyfriend and girlfriend serious. I'm honouring the date we made because I'm a gentleman. Rest assured, there won't be a second date."

"..."

"Furthermore, I would never let a woman come between our friendship. What do you take me for? I have too much respect for the weirdness that is Danphie to let that go."

"What the hell is a Danphie?"

"We're Danphie. Daniel, Sophie? Danphie."

"We sound like some sort of disease. Danphie Fever, or something."

"Haha, I guess so. But, I happen to like Danphie Fever, so..."

"Freak."

"Learned from the best, sweetheart."

"I suppose I am a great teacher."

"That you are. So, we're good, right? We're still friends?"

"No, we're not friends."

"But I thought-"

"We're Danphie."

"Haha, yes we are Danphie."

"Well, I think being a Danphie is better than being friends."

"... Me too."

"I have to go now. I've been doing a headstand since the beginning of this conversation and all the blood has rushed to my head and given me a pressure headache. Seriously, I feel like my brain is about to explode."

"Wouldn't want that to happen, now, would we?"

"Nope. Will I talk to you tomorrow before your date, or after, or not at all?"

"Definitely talking tomorrow. I'll ring you when I'm free to talk. Ok?"

"... I suppose that'll have to do. Well... bye?"

"Bye, Danphie One."

"Good bye, Danphie Two."