Run (BTS fanfic)

7

Hoseok's POV

I thought that my heart would only continue to ache for the rest of my life after the day we lost Jin hyung. I thought that no one would be able to make me forget and feel better. Ever.

That's why there had been many times in the past that I tried to put an end to all the pain. And I almost made it that one day.

-flashback-

I can't take it anymore. I just can't. This is too much.

Yoongi hyung refuses to meet with any of us.

Taehyung is so oddly silent everytime we gather together. It's freaking me out.

I've already started to forget Namjoon's dimples and it's been days since I last heard Jimin's laughter.

As for Jungkook, he always shows up injured whenever we meet but refuses to talk about what is happening to him.

How could they lose hope so easily?

It's not over yet. Hyung could still be alive. He may have survived. We just need to find him and everything's going to be normal again.

"Hoseok-ah" noona called my name after knocking on the door of my bedroom.

I had a bad feeling. She rarely knocks. She just barks in my room most of the time and starts blabbering about random stuff.

But this time she patiently waited to hear my voice before entering.

"You can come in noona" I said and she slowly opened the door.

I knew what she was about to say when I looked at her face.

Her eyes were full of sorrow and tears were threatening to escape from their corners.

I knew but I didn't want to believe. I wanted to keep hoping. I wanted to press a button and turn back the time, change everything.

"Hoseok" she said in the most tender voice.

I didn't want to listen to her.

"No, don't. Please don't say it." I begged.

I covered both of my ears with my palms and closed my eyes praying for the milionth time that all this wasn't true.

"They found his body" she said between her sobs after hugging me tightly.

We both fell on the floor crying and trying to comfort each other. That was when all hope was lost.

The following days felt like ages. Time just didn't pass normally. I stayed for hours in my room everyday with the windows closed and the lights out. The constant ticking of the clock had become so annoying that I decided to unhang it from the wall and take the batteries out.

Only Namjoon and Yoongi hyung were still at the neighborhood. The rest of BTS were gone. They had already moved away.

I hadn't seen Yoongi since the day of the accident but Namjoon tried to visit me from time to time. He didn't look good either.

I wanted to help him feel better. I did. But how could I? I mean, I didn't know what to do, I only wished I knew what to say to him.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I really looked sick. Dark circles under my eyes from the lack of sleep, face white as a sheet of paper, hair stuck to my forehead.

I opened the cabinet. I saw the small boxes and thought that maybe I'd feel better if I took all the pills they contained.

Without having to think twice, I opened one of them that was still sealed and emptied the content in my hand. I looked at the small white pills in my right palm and didn't hesitate.

I swallowed them one after the other.

At first I didn't feel anything but I knew that I'd soon be together with hyung again. Thinking about meeting him made my lips form into some kind of smile. I wanted to see the sun for the last time though.

I headed out of the house and wandered in the streets. The effects of the pills started to hit me when everything started spinning around me.

I thought it was the last time I'd see the sky so I raised up my head and looked at it observing every detail of the vast blue.

My knees hit the warm cement. A single drop of water hit my face making me chuckle.

"I hate rain though" were the last words I muttered before everything went black.

I was so close to death, I almost felt its cold touch.

-end of flashback-

The next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital bed with my mom sleeping on a chair next to me while holding my hand tightly.

I couldn't even imagine back then that the day when I'd smile again would come.

She managed to make me feel alive again. I want to tell her. I want to talk to Areum about hyung and BTS and everything we've been through. I want to feel loved and I want to fall in love.

With her...