The First Fall

Chapter 10

J T’s friend, for helping whom I had agreed to take those classes at the institute was back and I tried to concentrate on my studies. I still went there every weekend to meet her and my former students come to me to talk about their studies, some even ask me to help them with some problems which they found difficult to understand. I was glad that I did what my friend asked me to do that day and seeing the respect and love of those kids made me happy. I went home for a week and met my parents and Alex because I was going to leave soon and wouldn’t be back for a while. Saying goodbye to mom was a bit difficult.

Alex asked about Nina and how her studies were going. What I couldn’t understand was his sudden interest in her. His usual seriousness dimmed whenever he talked about her. Maybe her ‘about to crash land entry’ might have raised some kind of protective feeling in his heart. I am glad that he was there at that time to catch her or that silly girl would have another broken bone or missing teeth by now. I really don’t know what do about her clumsiness.

Alex says she is a kid and some are like this only and he has this urge to keep her near him always so that he can keep an eye on her. That’s a huge relief for me. Whenever I am away I can now be sure that someone will be here to look after her, she really needs that kind of support in her life and I have this intuition that Alex will be the brother she doesn’t have and J T will be the friend she requires in her life. I am sure that both my brothers will look after what’s mine while I am not there for her.

Soon it was the day before leaving and my phone started to ring. It was Rhea asking me whether I will be there in the evening because after class Nina would like to see me like always. Rhea had this doubt that since I was leaving for a while, I will be busy with my packing and saying goodbyes, I won’t be there to meet them as usual. I assured her that I will be there and I too needed to meet her before leaving and that I will die first before ignoring her in any way. I could understand what she was feeling right then because I was also suffering from the same kind of pain. To think about being away from her that too for three or four years was a bit too much, but it was the right decision to take and as Nina told Rhea, even if this was the hardest thing for us to do, we will have to endure it. I too felt like life was testing us in some way and we were determined to pass this test. Whatever life throws at us we will face it together because emotionally speaking, we are one. We both feel a certain kind of understanding and connection to each other.

She dreamed that I will fall ill a few days ago and forced Rhea to ask me to be careful and to take medication at the start itself because I will have to travel soon and travelling with a fever or cold is not good. J T laughed when he heard it and said that she was afraid of me leaving and that too for such a long period of time. I too didn’t give it much seriousness. But a few days later one evening I had this sore throat and started to sneeze. I took a tablet for cold and thought it will go away but the next day I couldn’t even open my eyes. J T found me in my bed in a very weak state burning with fever. He took me to a nearby hospital and they gave me some medicines and the usual advices. J T was a bit stunned when he talked to me about the warning which she send a few days ago and teased me a bit about never ignoring my future wife’s dreams again. I decided to keep that incident away from her; I didn’t want her to get anxious because of me.

I was waiting at my usual place after the classes were over and saw them coming out of the building. She was sad and seeing her sad squeezed my heart a little. What we felt for each other was way out of our own control and I felt moisture filling my eyes which I tried my best to keep at bay. I didn’t want to make her unhappy than she was already feeling. I smiled at her and with my thumb and forefinger signaled her to give me her beautiful smile. She heeded to my request and I filed that shy smile to my memory, I knew that I will need it for the coming days. We watched each other for a few minutes as if to etch the image in our mind forever and suddenly I wanted to give her something which will make her smile when she think about me when I was away. I pointed my forefinger at her and then brought it to my heart and then put my right palm on my heart and folded my left hand over it. I was trying to say that she will always be there in my heart and I will keep her there forever. She nodded her head in understanding. J T gave me a nudge indicating that it was time for them to leave or else they will miss their train. I nodded back and indicated Rhea to get going. She took hold of Nina’s hand and it seemed like she was dragging her away from me. Nina was looking back over her shoulders at me and kept looking back till they entered the building.

I had to conjure up all my strength to walk away from her that day. The belief that one day she will be mine forever gave me that strength. It was the hardest thing I ever did.

                         

I wa very restless that day. We will not be seeing each other for a while and a strange sense of fear was taking root in my mind. I couldn’t concentrate on anything and I knew that he will be there  to say goodbye. I couldn’t even eat my lunch and my dull mood was affecting Rhea also but I was helpless and I knew that she understood my situation. She assured me that he will be waiting down and he told her yesterday that he will die before ignoring me. For my poor heart those words were like the first rain after drought. Somehow last bell of the day rang and I pulled Rhea out of our class as fast as I could and got into the elevator first. I was so eager to meet him that I didn’t care about anything else.

I saw him standing next to JT and I stopped moving. I was trying to capture in my mind that beautiful smile and his alluring features which always make me forget even to breathe properly. God knows it will be long before I can lay my eyes on him again and I promised myself that I will never ever let him get away from me for a second time. This was going to be intolerable and it would kill me if we have to stay away from each other in the future. Once he was mine, I will do everything to keep him with me always, I don’t have any problem in accepting that I am jealous and even selfish when it came to him. What this love was doing to me!!! I prayed 'God please give me enough strength to walk away from him today' and promised him that I will be grateful forever. I was not going to be the block in his path and I lovd him too much to not let him go then. This was for his good, for our future and the hope that those four years will pass away soon and we both will be together after that was enough for now. I  had to  satisfy myself  with that or else, the aftereffects of another decision would have  been too much to bear.

He asked me to smile with that cute gesture of his and then only I realized that I was looking too serious. I forced a smile for his sake and I will never forget what he did next. He pointed his forefinger at me and then pointed it to his heart; he then put his right palm over his heart and then put his left one over it. He was trying to say that I am there in his heart and I nodded my head agreeing. He is in mine too but I couldn’t move my hands or do anything to respond to something as beautifully heartening as his gesture. He nodded at Rhea as if asking her to get moving because I was rooted to the place. Rhea caught my hand in a strong grip and started walking towards the train station. I kept looking back over my shoulders at him; he was following us as usual and I could feel his reluctance and sadness because I too had the same feeling.

A part of me was screaming in my head to stop him, not to let him go while the other was warning me to not even dare to stop him. The first voice was very tempting and it even warned me that this was the last time I was going to see him and that he will not be coming back. Even the thought was giving me enough pain that I couldn’t move and I had to sit in a nearby chair. My vision was blurring and a sense of coldness was moving from my feet up to my head. I put my head on my knees and heard Rhea calling my name in a concerned voice and when I didn’t respond, she slowly pulled my face up. I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing. I sobbed. “I am not going to see him again Rhea. He is going away.”

“Shhhh… you are very emotional now and such a state can be very confusing. Nothing bad is going to happen and he will be back soon and you both will be together forever, I promise you. Please stop crying dear.” She said and I put my head on her lap and cried till my tears dried up.