The First Fall

Chapter 16

The feeling that I was missing something was growing within me. I just could not place what it was or how I was missing it. After pacing in my room till my roommate woke up I decided to skip the class saying that I was not well. Since I did not sleep well the previous night,  fatigue was visible in my face and the worry inside was taking its toll on my health. My head started throbbing and yet I could not sleep or stay still for a minute.

I called that number again and again and the voice which asked to leave a message was eerily familiar. Realization struck me like thunder then, what my mind was purposefully forgetting or missing was the fact that the person who called me at night was Roy. My Roy who was in some kind of danger and even though he called me he could not talk. The dream flashed through my mind and an ache began to grow within my heart. I knew that something had happened to him and it was serious. Usually whenever dread or situations such as the present one arose, my mind used to go blank, I will be numb for sometime but when the greatest tragedy of my life struck all my mind could do was to work overtime. Scenarios over scenarios about what could have happened to him began to play. It was like watching the after effects of an explosion. Everything crashed and burned around me and I was in the middle of all that simply staring like a statue.

I dragged myself near my phone. My hands were shaking but I managed to dial JT’s number. That too went to voicemail and no matter how many times I tried, it either went to voicemail or was switched off. That was the confirmation my subconscious was waiting for and everything went blank then. I just sat there for how long I have no idea. I could not even cry. Usually when unfortunate things happened, I didn’t need to wait for long for my tears to fall but  it was like I was hollow inside right then.

My roommate, Jenny was back and she asked me if I was all right. I just shook my head. No, I was not all right .My world just went up in flames, everything I wished for, everything I dreamed of achieving  were no more. When I looked at her she was standing near me with a worried face. She touched my forehead and said

“I think you have fever. Either you go to a Doctor or you should take some medicines. If you don’t agree to any of it then I am going to call your parents or Alex or someone important.”

I looked at her with a blank expression and gave her my phone. “Rene. She is a Doctor. Please call.”  That was the first time we were talking like that. She was friendly and all but I was not interested in making conversations and always was busy with studies. She was a party person who enjoyed life to its fullest and we both had this silent understanding not to disturb each other’s lifestyle too much. Now in the current state I was, I could not even show gratitude for her concern. All I could do was look at her blankly and asked her to call Rene.

I had no idea  whether she remembered me or if she would come to check upon me. I didn’t even knew  which field of medicine she specialized in. It was her name that popped up into my mind and since I was not in a state to think much about my actions I did not bother about it. I heard jenny making the call and introducing herself and after that my mind was very busy thinking about the probability of seeing Roy again or if it was even possible. The last time I saw him was the day before he was leaving and I also remembered  telling Rhea that I would not  be seeing  him again and that I lost him. I wanted to cut off my tongue for saying something like that back then.

Somehow my mind knew the truth all along and all the fear which I had to endure was for that day. It was the termination of everything beautiful in my life. I  relinquished my dream of a happy ending to my nonexistent fairytale right then.

Was any of it even real? What if something horrible has already happened and he is no more? My breath stuck in my throat at the thought and the next thing I knew was jenny grabbing my shoulders shaking me and asking me to breathe.