The First Fall

Chapter 22

I couldn’t sleep properly that night. All that happened kept replaying in my mind and my conscience was not on my side too. I agree that I couldn’t and will never forget him but I also can’t ignore what everyone wants me to have. After all it was my life, a normal one in which all my desires would be satisfied except the fact that it was not with Roy if I listened to them. The big question that kept circling in my mind was ‘Are you ready to move on? Do you want to start a new life with someone else?’

I finally got the answer after much deliberation and around midnight. I don’t know. Whatever had happened till then, it just happened, I didn’t want some of those but it happened and I very badly wanted some which didn’t. In short, time or fate was not something which I could control, it just happens and as my grandmother used to say, whatever happens happens for a reason. So I decided to let fate decide what was good for me. After all I knew that my parents and the family which considered me as their own will never let anything bad to happen to me.

The beach was ethereal and looking at the water filled my mind with a strange sense of peace and happiness which was evading me for  quite some time. It was deserted and I was all alone in that beautiful place but I had this feeling that I was there waiting for someone or someone was waiting there for me. I looked around for a bit and then decided to enjoy the feel of water lapping my feet. I was standing there enjoying it when I heard his voice “It’s beautiful isn’t it?” My heart just jumped into my throat, ‘Roy?’ I looked to my side suddenly and found him standing there looking at me with a smile.

“So are you” he said. I smiled back but I also knew that he was out of my reach some way.

I still tried to touch him but he stopped me. “You can’t dear.” And I let my hands fall. I very badly wanted to touch him, to hug him. I could feel my eyes welling up.

“Don’t cry. We can’t stop things from happening but we can prevent it from dragging us into our past constantly.”

 I didn’t understand what he was saying and I looked at him and asked him “Take me with you.” “Please.”

 “It’s not time yet.”He said with a smile.

Strangely that answer settled me. “What should I do now?” I asked at last.

“What do you think?” was his counter question.

“I don’t know.”

“Yes. You do. We all have the solution to all our problems within us Nina, what happens is we are either ignorant about it or are too stubborn to realize it. When the right time comes and when the right person comes into your life, you will know. Just don’t try to resist it."

"Love is something which doesn’t end Nina; we all have a never ending treasure of it within us. Use it. Share it. Look for it."

"It’s time for me to go but keep this in your mind, if you are happy so am I and if you are sad then that’s what is hurting me.”

Suddenly I was all alone on that deserted beach and I looked around for him calling him but I knew that he was gone. I began to panic and started calling his name again and again trying to look for him. This time I was crying very loudly and with a certain rawness that my throat hurt, my heart hurt and everything within me hurt.

I felt I was shaking and opened my eyes to bright light , it hurt so I closed them again.

“Open your eyes Nina please stop crying dear.” Alex was saying  repeatedly and I opened them to see his face. Rene and Rhea were also there and everyone was looking at me with concern. I wiped my tears away “what time is it?” I asked looking around for the clock. Alex answered without delay. “Three thirty in the morning.”