The First Fall

Chapter 15

It was like travelling through a storm. On the way to the hospital, the only thing my mind could concentrate on was Roy and Nina. I knew it was Roy who was in the hospital fighting for his life but how could I not think about the innocent little girl whose life revolved around Roy? I couldn’t separate them even in my thoughts. How was she going to survive if something happened to him? Hell! Even I couldn’t  think about a life without Roy near me.

I saw him as my brother more than Alex was. I have always taken care of him all my life; did everything I could to make him happy but yet I couldn’t protect him not even after I was warned beforehand. All those horrible thoughts were killing me slowly, it was tearing me apart. I shoved my fingers through my hair. I wanted to rip everything out because of my frustration and guilt was eating me. I hadn’t called her back. How could I call her and say ‘Nina you were right. Your dream came true. It’s going to take your love away from you. Please try to compose yourself.’ That was impossible for me to do.

No. I just couldn’t do that. I was not strong enough. I decided to let Alex deal with her. I was not ready for that too. I walked slowly towards my destination- his room or the Intensive Care Unit again. Seeing Alex a few months ago in there was too much. I just didn’t know how I was going to survive seeing Roy there. My young brother, whom I careed for the most in this world. I didn’t even knew if I could bear seeing him or not. When I talked to Dad last time, he told me that Roy was very serious and the Doctors didn’t have any hope of saving him. His injuries were too grave and his internal organs were showing signs of failure. I couldn’t see him like that.

When I went near the room, I saw Dad sitting there. The expression in his face said it all. Suddenly he seemed to be the old man he was. It seemed like his age had caught up to him. All the tension was not good for him but what could I do about it? I couldn’t even control or console my own self and how the hell was I going to do that for others? I walked up to him and slowly sat near him.

“How is he Dad?” I asked him fearing his answer.

He looked up with grief filled eyes “They were trying like hell to save him and a few minutes ago the surgeon came out and said that he was stabilized for now, but they can’t give any assurance. I don’t know what that means, neither do I want to know. All I want is that kid to be all right. I can’t lose a son of mine like this. How am I going to face his father? He is on his way now and Alex will be here soon.”

“Did you see him?”

“No.”

We waited there for what seemed like ages and a doctor came out and said that we could see him for a few minutes without disturbing him. When he was conscious for a few minutes earlier he had asked for Nina and then me. I couldn't deal with the situation and hearing about Nina at the same time. Dad entered first and came out soon. He was crying and nodded at me to go meet him.

With legs that weighed like a ton of bricks I slowly entered the room and could not stop the gasp that escaped from my mouth. I stood there looking at a patched up Roy and tears  fell freely from my eyes. I touched him and was about to turn away when I heard a sound and looked back to see him watching me with pain in his eyes. I knew then and there that I was going to loose my baby brother. I also knew that he too was aware of the fact that he was not going to survive.

I choked on my breath and he slowly touched my arm with his right hand. I was shocked to feel the coolness in them. My Roy was cold and I was standing there looking down at him helplessly. He was trying to talk but it was inaudible so I bend my head and tried to listen. What came out of his mouth or what he could say with all his power was too much for me to bear but I still listened with a very heavy heart.