Just Wanna Be With You (Sequel to YATMIM)

...The Concequences Of Selfless Acts

~ Heathers POV ~

I remember leaving my house, 20 minutes or so after getting home from school, I'd have changed my clothes and plugged my earphones in, I'd walk to just one field in particular, one among the hundreds of others surrounding my small village. The corner of this field had the greatest view of the sunset I'd ever seen. Once I discovered this place, I visited whenever I could. It became my sanctuary. Nobody would ever accompany me, nobody knew where I went, my parents only cared that I returned home on time, and I only cared that I saw the gorgeous sunsets. I remember lying there, watching the sunset, my phone beside me, blasting out a recording I'd found of Kellin singing. His voice always brought a smile to my face, sometimes even a blush to my cheeks, it depended on the words that left his lips. Whenever I heard him sing, I'd picture him in my head, the smile that would be on his face as he sang to me, the one that made my heart melt.

~~~

I wake up in shock, on the floor beside my bed, my entire right side hurting. Shit, I fell out of bed, again. Rather than picking myself up, I simply curl into a ball and pull my covers down on top of me. I shuffle under my bed and stay there, tears start to fill my eyes and pretty soon they're rolling down my cheeks at strange angles in order to reach the floor. I start sobbing silently as I remember him, and the sacrifices I made in order to make him happy, because I knew what was best for him, and no matter what happened to me, he had to be happy. I dont regret letting him leave me, I just regret how hard I fell for him, because now I know that he's moved on completely, and just the thought of that hurts. It doesnt take long for my sobbing to have worn me out again, I snuggle into the sheets surrounding me underneath my bed on the floor, I close my eyes, and let myself drift off to sleep.

~~~

I remember after he moved back over here, how he surprised me. God, the feeling of seeing him waiting for me that day is something I will never forget. He was just standing there, smiling at me. I remember running towards him and crying into his shirt, clutching him like it was some crazy dream that I'd wake up from any second. That day was spent holding hands, kissing eachother, running away from our friends for secret makeout sessions...we were the true meaning of relationship goals. He treated me like a princess, like I was the only girl in the world. I swear, he never ONCE looked at any other girl when I was in the room. I remember once, when the teacher had left the class to sort out an annoying student, one of the girls started blasting music out of her phone and everyone started dancing, one girl pulled me up onto a table to dance with her, so I did, and all the while Kellin was sitting at the desk I was dancing on, smiling widely up at me with a look I'd never gotten from anyone but him. He made me feel so special, like I was actually worth something, which was something I really struggled with. I felt worthless, hopeless and useless so often. I was given meds, they were vitamin D supplements, as lack of vitamin D is one of the most common causes of depression or low mood. I saw 2 counselors and a mental health specialist. I was such a mess, but he made me feel like I was perfect. Like a masterpiece thats ripped at the edges. I wasnt perfect, I never have been and never will be, but he made me feel like I was everything to him, and that meant so much more to me than he'll ever know.

~~~

I wake up and hit my head on my bed, hard. Fuck, I forgot I fell asleep under here again. Goddammit. I army crawl out from under my bed and drag my covers with me, I pull myself back onto the bed and grab my phone. I start scrolling through tumblr, wattpad and instagram, I see nothing new, just a bunch of follows, likes and comments from people that like my youtube videos. I get a text and almost have a heart attack as my phone vibrates.

Alma: I heard a thud from your room last night, did you fall out of bed again babe?

Alma, one of my best friends, my roommate. We've been friends for years now, we met over wattpad, she read my books and supported me, helped me through a lot. We call eachother 'babe' as a friendly gesture, because we care about eachother.

Me: Yeah, sorry for waking you.

Alma: Awh Heather! I was still awake reading Andy Biersack fanfic, dont worry! Are you ok?

Me: I had another K dream...

Alma: Do you wanna talk about it?

Me: Nah, I'll be fine, I'll make a new video and start editing it, that should cheer me up, or at the very least distract me.

Alma: Alright, but if you need anything dont hesitate to come get me!

Me: I wont, thanks Alma, love you.

Alma: I love you too babe, stay strong.

Even though she's literally only down the hall, its nice to get told things like that, especially when you feel as unloved as I do. I drag my tired body out of bed and stumble out of my room, down the stairs and into the kitchen. I grab myself some cereal before turning to the window. Its still dark out!?!

Me: What time is it!?!

Alma: You have a phone in your hand.

Me: Oh yeah.

I look up from texting and see its only 3am. GodDAMN, Im usually still awake at this time! My sleeping schedule is trying to sort itself out and I will not allow it. I pour a small amount of milk into my bowl with coco pops and take it to the living room, flopping on the couch and plugging my earphones in. I go to JackSepticEyes channel and start watching his Undertale series from the beginning for the billionth time. This is my life now: rewatching old youtube series while stuck in the past and eating cereal at 3am.