Just Wanna Be With You (Sequel to YATMIM)

...Gone

~ Heathers POV ~

The rest of the day was spent meeting my sporks, chatting with them for as long as possible, then between the time of one spork leaving and another approaching, I hugged Kellin. I couldnt help it, the thunder was fucking terrifying! He never asked about me ignoring him since our date, but I could see that he wanted to. I saw in his eyes that he was silently wanting me to tell him something like "Im so sorry, I was about to reply but then my phone died and by the time it was charged enough to respond to you I didnt know if you were sleeping and I dont want to wake you" or, the one that we both know is more likely, "Im so sorry, I was literally about to type out my reply, but then I remembered that I hadnt re-watched Jacks Undertale series in like a week so I started that and procrastinated again oops". He has no idea how much I wish either of those excuses were true, and I cant lie to him, so he didnt get an answer at all.

Im back at the hotel now, sitting on the couch with Hannah as she rambles about her night out with Justin and how they both got drunk and accidentally admitted their feeling stowards each other, fucked, and got engaged. Admittedly, it was an interesting story at first, but now Im staring into space, wondering what the fuck Im doing with my life. I need to push him away, but its evident I cant do that without hurting him, and I cant ever hurt him deliberately so severely that he leaves. If I could just disappear...everything would sort itself out, right? Kellin would move on, and if he got hurt by me leaving, I wouldnt know about it. But...how do I disappear?
"Jesus Heather are you even listening!?!" Hannah groans in frustration.
I shake my head, snapping myself out of my deep thought "Huh, sorry, what!?!"
Hannah rolls her eyes "I was just-y'know what? Nevermind, you're clearly drained from your meet and greet today, so you should get some rest, I'll tell you some more tomorrow! Goodnight wifnoot!"
I smile gratefully and stand up "Night wifnoot!" I stroll to my bedroom and flop onto the bed, pulling my phone out of my pocket and setting an alarm for 5 hours from now. Hannah wont be awake, and if I get ready now nobody will ever know. I quickly change into suitable clothing and pack up all my stuff, book the thing on my phone, before curling back up on the bed again. Tears begin to fill my eyes, and I dont blink them away, because right here, right now, Im alone, nobody can see me hurting, so Im free to break apart, so thats exactly what I do.

My alarm goes off, and at first I groan, thinking its an alarm for some job I have to do, but then I remember, and I feel empty. I quickly grab my suitcases and roll them out of the hotel, carefully shutting the door, and accidentally tripping over the couch because its dark and Im blind. As I leave the hotel, the cool night air slaps me in the face, I grab my phone and shakily type out a text, because if Im leaving, my wife deserves to know why.

Me: Im sorry, but Im gone. By the time you read this I'll already be on a plane. I cant do it Hannah, I cant let myself fall for him, I know I'll only hurt him. Im a mess. Im not good enough. I deserve to be alone, so thats just what Im choosing to be. Goodbye, I love you.

I cry as I send the text and stuff my phone into my jacket pocket. I wait for a taxi to pull up, not exactly in any rush, my flight isnt in a good few hours, Im not in a rush. Once the taxi arrives, I slide in the back and tell the driver where Im headed, and throughout the entire journey, we do not say a word to each other. It begins to rain outside. I watch the droplets race each other to the bottom of the taxi window. The sky is a dull grey color, as it generally is in England. Very emo weather. Very emo me. I dont want to leave, but I have to, for his sake. I dont matter. I never have. What Im doing now will cause me a lifetime of agony, but if it means he will smile and be happy...its worth it.