Just Wanna Be With You (Sequel to YATMIM)

The Best Night Of My Existence...

~ Kellins POV ~

When Heather uploaded her youtube video, I watched it while still on the plane. Seeing her cry really hurt, but the fact that she was being so hilarious with tears rolling down her cheeks had me wetting myself. My baby is a comedic genius, and I love her to pieces.

Im backstage now, mere minutes from running out onstage and performing with my best friends, for the people that made me dreams a reality. Beside my babygirl, obviously, because she's not here. It was super fun to reunite with all the guys, and fill them in on everything that went down since I last saw them. They were all so supportive of Heather and I finally getting back together. I couldnt ask for better best friends. Im smiling with my guys, laughing with them, warming up my voice, but I cant shake this feeling. The feeling of emptiness. Loneliness. I wonder if she feels it too? Our bond is inexplainable, honestly. I can still be having fun, but she's always there, the thought of her, in my mind, among all my other thoughts.
"So, what's she like!?!" Nick asks as he plops himself on a stool opposite me.
I grin at the thought of her "Perfect."
Jack, Justin and Gabe all sit on the floor in front of me, as I sit on a speaker, Nick sits behind them on his stool. "Tell us about her!" Jack demands.
"What do you asshats want to know?" I ask curiously, knowing I could rant about her for literal days.
Gabe laughs "What's her sense of humor like?"
"Dirty, like, REALLY dirty, and sometimes EXTREMELY offensive. She has the sort of sarcastic sense of humor that comes off to some people as rude, but she is fucking hilarious!" I explain.
Gabe raises an eyebrow "So, she's like you, then?"
I laugh and kick him "Hey! Im not that dirty!"
Gabe holds his hands up "Whatever you say!"
Jack wiggles his eyebrows "Does she put out?"
My jaw drops "We literally got back together, like, yesterday man. Or was it the day before? The time difference has fucked me up. Whenever it was, it was super recent, there's no WAY she'd put out so early in a relationship, I know her."
"But, when you were kids, did you fuck?" Jack pushes further.
I sigh and roll my eyes "If you must know: yeah, we did, it was both of our first times, we were super nervous, but we had talked about it countless times beforehand. She's so OCD that she thought of every possible thing that could go wrong, and made a plan of action for absolutely everything! Nothing went wrong though, thankfully, and the night was perfect."
"How was it?" Jack smirks
"The best night of my existence." I answer truthfully, as my mind drifts back to that night.

~~~

"Tonight?" She asked me awkwardly as we rolled on and off each other in a heated make out session. I instantly knew what she was suggesting.
My eyes widened "Are you sure you're ready baby?"
She thought it over, considering all of her options. I've always loved that about her, the way that she'll decide something, then think about it afterwards if given a second chance. She always looked so adorable when she was in deep thought. Heathers gaze returned to mine, she had made her decision.
"Yes. Im ready Kels." My babygirl whispered the worlds, not showing any sign of nerves. She really trusted me, and that meant the absolute world to me. "Are you ready?" She asked me quietly. I loved that about her too, the way she'd always consider whether I was ok with something as she was before we went ahead and did anything. Not many girls would ask a guy if they're ready to lose their virginity. In all honesty, I was terrified. I was so scared of disappointing her.
I nodded "Yes, definitely."
We continued making out, thoughts buzzed around in my mind. Was this it? Was I really losing my virginity tonight? Was I ready? Was I prepared to give someone my everything, for the first time? Of course I am. I knew it then, even though I questioned it. I was ready.

It seemed like mere seconds passed, and we were suddenly there. I was above her, kissing her with everything I had. I was lined up, ready to go, I was waiting for her to back out, giving her all the time in the world to decide if she was really ready. She pulled away from me, and raised her eyebrow impatiently, which made me laugh. We both stared down at ourselves, and watched as we gave each other our all. Those seconds seemed to pass in slow motion. And then, we were one. Her kisses have always affected me in a way I've never understood, but this...this feeling was another level of pleasure. I couldnt believe it. I was kissing her again, with tears in my eyes, I was so grateful to her for letting me love her this way. She was so beautiful. We were connected. We were one. We were together. It was exactly like one of those extremely cheesy love making scenes in the movies. Our first time wasnt uncomfortable or awkward, like so many people had told me it would be, and it didnt last a few seconds. We were making love, and we were enjoying every second of it. Neither of us wanted those moments to end, but at the same time, we did, because we wanted to reach paradise together. I had never felt so lucky. I had the most gorgeous girl in my arms, underneath me, kissing my neck, my lips, my shoulders, my chest...that was one of the first times she had seem me completely naked, and she knew how self conscious I was. Again, terrified of disappointing her. She was self conscious too, but she really didnt need to be, she had the body of a goddess. Who am I kidding? She has always had the everything of a goddess! I'll tell you now, we didnt need any help getting the soldier in my pants to stand to attention, because as soon as I saw her...damn. I had never felt so happy, or so loved. She was kissing my body, letting me know that she loved it as I loved hers. Her neck kisses had me struggling to breathe. I had my face buried in her hair, against the pillow. I didnt want her to see my face at first, I was self conscious of the expressions I could make that I couldnt control, but she persuaded me otherwise.
"Kellin, kiss me." Heather whispered in my ear, that was all I needed.
I lifted my head from her hair, tears still in my eyes at how beautiful she was, and how perfect the moment was. I kissed her in a way that has always driven her crazy. I held her, tears threatening to fall, and kissed her as hard as I possibly could. Suddenly, a different sensation took hold of me, causing me to let go of her and grip the headboard of the bed. I couldnt control the sounds that left my lips, or the expressions I made. Heather knew what was happening, and I knew from the look she gave me that she had been waiting for me. We looked into each others eyes, and made an unspoken plan, then nodded. After three more carefully angled thrusts, I let out an absurd sound, and the gorgeous sound that left Heathers lips made me collapse on top of her as we entered paradise, together.

~~~

Im snapped out of my trance by Jack impersonating my sex sounds "Heather!" He moans, before him and the guys all laugh.
I laugh with them and shake my head, before standing up and making my way to the side of the stage. I look out at the opening act that plays, and the crowds of people here. Some of them spot me, and the lead singer of the opening act waves at me. I smile and wave back at them. I stand there, staring out at the seemingly endless sea of people, and I think about her. God, I wish I could hold her right now. I need her so bad. Closing my eyes, I try to remember and imagine her small hand held tightly by my own. I try so hard to make myself feel her hand in my own, to imagine her here. But, no matter how hard I try, nothing can compare to the feeling I would get if she were really here. Im being denied the only thing that could possibly comfort me now, and that thing is her. She is all I need. She is all I want. And without her...I dont feel like myself. Im cold. Im alone, even though Im surrounded by my best friends and fans. I feel greedy, for wanting more than this, for wanting her, when she is having fun in England, doing what she loves, meeting the people that have been there for her through the years that I havent. Heathers sporks are amazing, they're so loyal to her, so comforting, such great people. Her videos appeal to a large variety of people, I noticed this at the meet & greet, she was hugging women older than her and I, as well as teenage boys who were experiencing traumatizing voice cracks as they cried with happiness at seeing my beautiful girlfriend. Admittedly, seeing her hugging full grown men, with six packs that were showing through their tight fitting shirts, had me feeling self conscious as fuck...as well as slightly jealous. Most of them were thanking her for giving them the courage to come out though, so I wasnt worried for long. Heather is so nice to all of her sporks, she treats them like they're all her best friends, which I suppose they are. They've been there for her, they've laughed with her, they've made her laugh with their comments, they've helped her keep going, they've encouraged her that I'd always come back...oh, how right they were. I wish my baby was here, with me. I wish I could play with her hair, kiss her hands, tell her I loved her and see her blush adorably. I dont know how long I can take being so far away from her. How the fuck did I survive the past 11 years without her!?! Im kinda fucking proud of myself for surviving that long, considering how much Im struggling now. I can feel every inch of land, ocean and sky that is separating us. I can feel the massive void of Earth between us. I can feel it all, and it hurts, so much. My heart feels like it's being crushed. Nothing is the same without her.